Seinfeld DVD Complete Series Box Set

Seinfeld Script Search:

Classic conversations about almost nothing...

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PostPosted: September 11, 2004 8:00 PM 

I think one thing Seinfeld did better than any other show was to have hilarious every day conversations that had almost nothing to do with the plot of the episode...Which were some of yours...this one kills me (I have to admit I cut and pasted it from the script):

George: Say you, me, and Kramer are, uh, flying over the Andes.

Jerry: Why are we flyin' over the Andes?

George: We got a soccer game in Chile. Anyway, the plane crashes. Who are you gonna eat to survive?

Jerry: Kramer.

George: So fast? What about me?

Jerry: No.

George: Kramer's so stringy. I'm plump, juicy.

Jerry: Kramer's got more muscle, higher protein content. It's better for you.

George: Well I would eat you.

Jerry: That's very nice, I guess.

George: I still don't see why you wouldn't eat me. I'm your best friend.

Jerry: Look, if other people are having some, I'll try you.

George: Thank you.


Bob Sakamano

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Reply: 1

PostPosted: September 11, 2004 8:41 PM 

What episode is that from? I love that quote, but I totally forgot about it.

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 2

PostPosted: September 11, 2004 8:53 PM 

It's from "The Abstinance". George and Elaine stop having sex. George gets smart, Elaine becomes stupid. This episode actually has some of the most classic Seinfeld conversations. The one I quoted was the openeing scene. Right after that, Elaine walks in and they have an equally hilarious conversation about how something is "bunk" before it's "de-bunked", and whether "bunk" is a good thing or a bad thing.
There's also Jerry's explanations to George and Elaine about the effects no sex is having on each of them. (To George: "This is your brain" while holding a head of lettuce....) (To Elaine: "To you, sex is like taking out the garbage")...When you get around to this season in your contest, I'll be choosing this one for sure.

Bob Sakamano

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Reply: 3

PostPosted: September 11, 2004 8:57 PM 

i'm guessin they cut that part out when they ran in syndication cuz' i have no recollection of seeing that i can't wait for the dvd

Bad Breaker Upper

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Reply: 4

PostPosted: September 11, 2004 9:10 PM 

Really? Yeah, i find that they sometimes cut out the best parts in sindication. Too bad, that one is a classic as far as I'm concerned.

Latex Salesman

Posts: 347

Reply: 5

PostPosted: September 12, 2004 9:49 AM 

I get so annoyed by syndication episodes sometimes that can't even enjoy the episode. I definitely haven't seen that opening scene and now I'm dying to see it.
DYING I tell you!

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 6

PostPosted: September 12, 2004 1:15 PM 

I would have to say one of the classic conversations about nothing is talking about the second button, it was the first, and the last conversation on the show.

The Seinfeld Chronicles:

JERRY: Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. The second button literally makes or brakes the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land, you look like you live with your mother.

GEORGE: Are you through?

JERRY: You do of course try on, when you buy?

GEORGE: Yes, it was purple, I liked it, I don't actually recall considering the buttons.

JERRY: Oh, you don't recall?

GEORGE: Uh, no, not at this time.

The Finale(Part 2):

Jerry: See now, to me, that button is in the worst possible spot.

George: Really?

Jerry: Oh yeah. The second button is the key button. It literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's

too high, it's in no-man's land.

George: Haven't we had this conversation before?

Jerry: You think?

George: I think we have.

Jerry: Yeah, maybe we have.

Even though this isn't the last dialogue in the seies, it is the last conversation, if I racall correctly Jerry does his prison standup after the commercial break.


Posts: 31

Reply: 7

PostPosted: September 13, 2004 3:53 PM 

GEORGE: Why don't they have salsa on the table?

JERRY: What do you need salsa for?

GEORGE: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.

JERRY: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do
you have salsa?" "We need more salsa." "Where is the salsa? No salsa?"

GEORGE: You know it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order
seltzer and not get salsa. (Angry) "I wanted seltzer, not salsa."

JERRY: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?? You
have the seltezer after the salsa!"


Posts: 4

Reply: 8

PostPosted: September 13, 2004 4:19 PM 

My favorite conversation about nothing is from The Chinese Woman.

Good shave today..

[wry/sarcastic] Don't worry, Jerry, I can manage these bags; really I'm

I'm thinkin' of lettin' my sideburns grow in a little..

Can we rest here a second.

[pause] Yeah, I guess.

[She sits on the stairs of a small entryway.]

It's not big but it's really about nothing.

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 9

PostPosted: September 13, 2004 10:05 PM 

These are classic examples of Monk's conversations about nothing:

George: What's the deal with Aquaman? Could he go on land, or was he just restricted to water?

Jerry: No, I think I saw him on land a couple times. So how's the job situation goin'?


JERRY: I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor.

GEORGE: I never heard him say anything really funny.

JERRY: But it's common sense. He's got super strength, super speed.. I'm sure he's got super humor.

GEORGE: You would think that, but either you're born with a sense of humor, or you're not. It's not going to change even if you go from the red sun of Krypton all

the way to the yellow sun of the Earth.

JERRY: Why? Why would that one area of his mind not be affected by the yellow sun of Earth?

GEORGE: I don't know but he ain't funny.

Other Walter

Posts: 650

Reply: 10

PostPosted: September 14, 2004 12:18 PM 

Classic situation about nothing when George brings the tape recorder he had hidden in his briefcase over to Jerry's and they stand there waiting for the tape to rewind. Beats Dalrimple's incredulity at responding to George's pitch-"you READ on the show?"

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Copyright ©2003, Mark Carey.