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Cosmo Kramer

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Mike Barkman







PostPosted: December 16, 2003 4:06 AM 

Jerry's hippster dufus next door neighbor

Jim M.
Low-Talker

Posts: 3

Reply: 1



PostPosted: December 16, 2003 4:59 PM 

He is a loathsome, offensive brute, yet I can't look away.

Art Vandelay
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 300

Reply: 2



PostPosted: March 1, 2004 6:58 PM 

But I am Cosmo, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer. And that's who I am going to be. From now on, I'm Cosmo!

Art Vandelay
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 300

Reply: 3



PostPosted: March 2, 2004 1:24 PM 

Kramer: Over there. The Dominicans.

jerry: Aren't they supposed to be rolling cigars?

Kramer: Well, it didn't quite work out, and now I have got nothing for them to do.
So, I taught them all about Cuba, and they really took to it. You know, Marxism, the Worker's Revolution, the clothing.

Jerry: Boy, they seem pretty angry about something.

Kramer: Yeahh. I'm a little worried. When there is no work, and the people get restless, who do you think they come after.
El Presidente!!

Cool

J. Chiles


Posts: 5139

Reply: 4



PostPosted: March 2, 2004 4:10 PM 

Oh, I have a lot of relationships..

Art Vandelay
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 300

Reply: 5



PostPosted: March 3, 2004 2:13 PM 

Policeman: OK Big Daddy. Take the hat off. Alright turn to your right...I said TURN Pimp!!!!

Kramer (crying): I'm not a pimp!!!!

Cool

J. Chiles


Posts: 5139

Reply: 6



PostPosted: March 4, 2004 3:06 PM 

Jerry to Kramer after hearing the "first name".

Cosmo?

Kramer:
Yeah, well, I guess the cat is "meeeeooww" out of the bag!

lovin' every minute of it
Magnificent Bastard

Posts: 2065

Reply: 7



PostPosted: March 4, 2004 7:43 PM 

JERRY
Well it looks like you've adjusted to the boxers..

KRAMER
Wellll, I wouldn't go as far as that.

JERRY
You went back to the Jockeys?

KRAMER
Wrong again.

JERRY
[pause] Oh, no.

ELAINE
What? What?..

JERRY
Don't you see what's goin' on here??? .. No boxers, no Jockeys..

ELAINE
Eeaawww...

JERRY
The only thing between us is a thin layer of gabardine..

JERRY
Kramer, say it isn't so.

KRAMER
Oh, it be so.

I'm out there, Jerry, an' I'm lllovin' every minute of it!!!

Cool

Art Vandelay
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 300

Reply: 8



PostPosted: March 8, 2004 4:04 PM 

- kramer: well, they're in...
- jerry: what's in?
- kramer: the macanaw peaches, jerry!! the macanaw peaches!!!
- jerry: aah, ... right. The ones from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year...

(...)
- kramer: I can't taste this.
- elaine: what are you talking about?
- kramer: this food, it has no taste ...nothing. I'm getting nothing... It must be the toxic gas from the fumigation...

(...)
- kramer: Newman, let me have a bite of your Macanaw...!
- newman: what for, you got your own.
- kramer: Come on, I need to taste it! ......Nothing! Can't even taste a Macanaw!
- newman: well that's a shame.
- kramer: Waited all year and I can't even taste it..
- newman: You can't taste them. Why waste it. Why not give them all to me?!

(...)
- kramer: yes!...yes! it's back. I can taste again. The last day for the Macanaws. I can still make it. Wait. Newman...!
- newman: sorry, last one... Would you want to suck the pit?!
- kramer: look Hubert (a dog). It's the mailman! You remember the mailman don't you?!

(unleashes a dog; Dog proceeds to chase after Newman)


Cool Pure gold!!, one of the best scenes ever made!!

Art Vandelay
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 300

Reply: 9



PostPosted: March 18, 2004 11:35 AM 

Kramer has a new phone number (555-FILK): Movie Phone


- kramer: helloo, welcome to Movie phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
- george: come on, come on.
- kramer: using your touch-tone keypad, please enter the first three letters of the movie title, now ......... You've selected ... Agent Zero? If that's correct, press 1.
- george: what?!
- kramer: ah, you've selected ... Brown-Eyed Girl? If this is correct, press 1 ........ Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you've selected?!
- george: Chunnel?
- kramer: to find the theater nearest you, please enter your 5 digit zip-code, now...

(george enters his zip code)
- kramer: ....... Why don't you just tell me where you want to see the movie?
- george: Lowes Paragon, 84th and Broadway.
- kramer: Chunnel, is playing at the Paragon 84th Street cinema in the main theater at 9:30 PM.
- george: yeah. now I gotcha!
- kramer: ......... It's also playing in theater number two at 9:00.

Cool

Anonymous
Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 10



PostPosted: May 3, 2004 3:18 PM 

Kramer: have you ever been fucked by a fat chick before?

Jerry: well no Twisted Evil

Anonymous
Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 11



PostPosted: May 3, 2004 3:24 PM 

Twisted Evil Evil or Very Mad Rolling Eyes Wink Crying or Very Sad Razz Embarassed

Malissa
Low-Talker

Posts: 1

Reply: 12



PostPosted: June 10, 2004 2:51 PM 

Does anyone know why Kramer never had to work?

Jimmy


Posts: 5505

Reply: 13



PostPosted: June 10, 2004 9:03 PM 

No, there was never a reason given. The same way a reason was never given for Audrey not to taste the pie, or why Elaine's neighbor had an apartment full of potatoes. Just another one of those things the writers create to purposely mystify viewers and stir up controversy. Some Sienfeld fans insist on debating these things like Trekies arguing over whether a certain (non-existant) weapon could really destroy the Enterprise! Very Happy

Connor
Low-Talker

Posts: 1

Reply: 14



PostPosted: June 17, 2004 2:57 PM 

Cosmo: It's a write off for them.

Jerry: A what?

Cosmo: A write off.

Jerry: Write it off what?

Cosmo: They just write it off. All these big companies, they write off everything.

Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.

Cosmo: Do you?

Jerry: No, I don't.

Cosmo: But they do, and they're the ones writing it off.

itslaura77
Low-Talker

Posts: 1

Reply: 15



PostPosted: June 19, 2004 4:46 PM 

Twisted Evil what the heck? HEELLOOOO! cosmo rules. but hj likes george constanza best! she likes to say can't stand ya!

qqfarmer
Germaphobe

Posts: 35

Reply: 16



PostPosted: August 6, 2004 12:32 PM 

I broke the convenant of the keys.

I can barely see you George. Smile

Joe
Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 17



PostPosted: August 9, 2004 8:27 AM 

It's another Festivus miracle!

lovin' every minute of it
Magnificent Bastard

Posts: 2065

Reply: 18



PostPosted: August 9, 2004 8:31 AM 

Look away, I'm hideous.

Anonymous
Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 19



PostPosted: September 21, 2004 4:34 PM 

What was Kraemer's favorite pie?

Ziggy
Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 20



PostPosted: September 29, 2004 4:34 PM 

Cosmo Kramer is the funniest character on any sitcom, ever!

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