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The Doll - Script

THE DOLL

Transcribed by: Brett M. Carre


Season 2, Episode #17


Cast:
Larry David... Himself
Cheryl Hines... Cheryl David
Jeff Garlin.. Jeff Green

Guest Starring:
Julia Louis-Dreyfus... Herself
Rita Wilson... Anne Michaelson
Una Damon... ABC Executive
Susie Essman... Susie Green
Jane Carr... Fran Metzgar
Merrin Dungey... Amy
Zach Grenier... Lane Michaelson
Ashley Holloway.. Sammy Greene
Jones Lagunoff... Locksmith
Ator Tamras... Waitress
Bailey Thompson... Tara Michaelson


[First Scene.
Larry, Jeff, Julia, and her manager at ABC Headquarters discussing a show
idea with ABC Executives in a group meeting.]


Larry:( to everyone at the meeting) and now this actress is having problems
getting another series because everybody,
Everybody sees her as Evelyn


Lane Michaelson: Oh, I see


Julia: Right, They are wanting to bring Evelyn back


Larry: Yea


Julia: She can't get away from it


Larry: In fact, the series could be called, Aren't you Evelyn?


Julia: Or, I'm not Evelyn. Something like that.


Larry: It's funny right?


Lane Michaelson: I, I am just so excited about this


Larry: Really?


Lane Michaelson: This is wonderful


Larry: Oh good.


Lane Michaelson: This is great.


Julia: Oh, thank you. Good.


Lane Michaelson: I mean I'm not surprised because I knew you were going to
come in here with something brilliant you did.


Larry: It's very funny.


Lane Michaelson: I, I am just so excited.


Jeff:(to Larry) Hey, whatís with you and the water?


Larry:(holding the water bottle up) Doctor's Orders I'm dehydrated or
something and I got to drink eight, eight of these a day, constantly running
to the bathroom.


Lane Michaelson: The other thing is that Jason is going to be working with
us as well.


Julia: Jason...


ABC Executive: Alexander


Julia: Alexander! Youíre kidding me!


Lane Michaelson: No!


ABC Executive: Isn't that great?


Julia's Manager: well that will be great


Julia: What's he doing?


Lane Michaelson: Well it's about a motivational speaker and...


Larry: When did that happen?


Lane Michaelson: Oh, umm pass few weeks. We've had a few meeting and uh
we're very close to having it happen.


Julia: Thatís going to be...


Larry: Where did you meet if I may ask?


Lane Michaelson: Uh, here.


Larry: He came here?


Lane Michaelson: Yes, Jason, here. Yea. But, four meeting now and such a
wonderful actor


Julia: Yea, nothing like him. Greatest guy.


Julia's Manager: And they will be so different from how they were on
Seinfeld that...


Lane Michaelson: So, I'm just thrilled about this.


Larry: You like it?


Lane Michaelson: I just think this is grand, this is green light, huhu.


Julia's manager: Oh!


Lane Michaelson: Absolutely.


Julia's Manager: That's good to know.


Lane Michaelson: I am so excited about this


Larry: Well, we're delighted.


Lane Michaelson: Thank you, thank you.


Julia: That's good


ABC Executive: thrilled!


Julia: Thank you


ABC Executive: I am so pleased!


Larry: yea.


Lane Michaelson: So, now that you're all apart of the ABC Family...


Larry; Oh! well.


Lane Michaelson: We're having a screening of Harriet Beecher Stow


Jeff: Oh my god!...


Lane Michaelson: Tonight.


Jeff: My umm wife's good friend was the art director on that I heard it was
great.


Lane Michaelson: Oh, how is Susie?


Jeff: Ah, we split up, uh I'm living in a hotel


Lane Michaelson: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.


Jeff: Don't be! Itís great.


[Everyone laughs]


Lane Michaelson: But, it's a wonderful mini series part one is tonight part
two is tomorrow night.


ABC Executive: It's just beautifully shot


Larry: Really?


Lane Michaelson: Love you to come.


Julia: The only thing is my older umm kid has pink eye so...


Lane Michaelson: Oh


Julia: I mean it's not contagious but you...


Lane Michaelson: Sorry. You'll come Larry.


Larry: Yea. Sure.


ABC Executive: Great.


Jeff: Yea, we'll go, sure.


Lane Michaelson: And afterwards weíre going to have something at the house
Ann's preparing and you can come along, alright?


Larry: ok


Jeff: ok good, we'll see you there.


Lane Michaelson: Alright


Larry: Whatís the difference between Harriet Beecher Stow and Harriet
Tubbman?


New scene: Larry and Cheryl in the ABC Headquarters Theater lobby.


Larry: You know I think we might be do for some sex tonight.


Cheryl: You think?


Larry: I do.


Cheryl: You were going to pencil that in you didn't tell me.


[Jeff comes walking up]


Jeff: hey.


Larry: Hey.


Jeff: I think is it about to start. You guys going in over here?


Larry: Yea.


Jeff: I saw Susie walking over there so I'm going to go in over there. I am
not here.


Larry: Haven't seen you.


Jeff: Have not seen me. Alright bye, talk to you later.


Cheryl: Yea, he's hard to miss


Lane Michaelson: Larry, Larry I am so glad you were able to make it.


Larry: Hi


Lane Michaelson:(to Cheryl) Hi, I am Lane Michaelson


Cheryl: Hi


Lane Michaelson: How do you do? Nice to meet you.


Larry: This is the ABC guy


Lane Michaelson: Let me just say again we are so happy to have your husband
on board. Listen, weíre going to see you tonight...


Larry: Yes


Lane Michaelson: at the house, right


Larry: yes at the house


Lane Michaelson: Anne's gonna want to see you so please


Larry: Really?


Lane Michaelson: Yes, OK, take care...


Larry: OK


Lane Michaelson: Have a great time, enjoy the show


Larry: Alright


Cheryl: Thank you, Geese I'm exhausted. Wow, He must have a lot on his
mind tonight.


[Larry and Cheryl walking toward the entrance to the theater.]


Larry: A lot of coffee that man


Cheryl:(laughing) He was in like such a hurry


[Larry and Cheryl get to the theater entrance.]


Amy:(to Larry) Excuse me, there's no food or drink in the theater I'm sorry.


Cheryl: Oh.


Larry:(looking down at his water bottle) really? I got like a condition I
really like need to have this.


Amy: You're gonna have to finish it out here I'm sorry.


Larry:(To Cheryl) OK why don't you go in and...


Cheryl: Get a seat,


Larry: get a seat...


Cheryl: OK I'll see you


Larry: in there


Cheryl: OK


Larry: Great (to Amy) you know, what if I have a really bad kidney thing I'm
not...


Amy: Maybe you should finish it outside


Larry: Yea Maybe, Maybe I should.


[New Scene: Larry goes in the theater and sits next to Cheryl]


Cheryl: You like these seats?


Larry:(to Cheryl) Wow! Great seats!


Cheryl: I'm getting you the aisle considering all the water you've had.


Larry: Oh


Cheryl: Just in case


Larry: Yea, This is great, what a nice little theater


Cheryl: Yea, it's beautiful.

[Larry then spots the woman that told him to finish his water outside in the
row in front of them]


Larry:(to Cheryl) is that the same women that just told me to get rid of the
water?


Cheryl: Yea, I think it is.


Larry: Whatís the Deal? What is she doing? Does she work here? Or is she a
guest?


Cheryl: Yea, I thought he was working


Larry: Me too (Larry to Amy) Excuse me.


Cheryl: Larry.


Larry: Excuse me.


Amy: Yea


Larry: Do you work here?


Amy: No.


Larry: How come you told me to, to get rid of the water then?


Amy: I saw you coming in with water, there's no water, it's the rules.


Larry: I don't understand how itís your concern, you don't work here.


Amy: It's the rules!


Larry: Rules?


Amy: The sign says no food or drink in the theater, I'm sure we would all
like to have water.


Larry: Oh yea, weíre all dieing of thirst. Are, what are you the Hallway
monitor here?


Amy: Who are you that the rules don't apply?


Larry: I'm, I'm applying the golden rule, are you?


Amy: I don't think the golden rule...


Larry: Yea


Amy: applies here.


Larry: If you had water would you want me to tell you not to bring it in, I
don't think so.


Amy: How about common curtisy bud.


Larry: Oh


Amy: A little common curtisy.


Larry: That doesn't supersede the golden rule. Thatís the big one.


[The theater dims and the show begins]


Amy:(shouting) you're nuts!


Larry: you're, you're nuts


Cheryl:(to Larry) Alright.


Amy: Jackass.


Larry:(to no one) don't, don't bring any pens or pencils in


Amy: Loser.


Larry: Excuse me Mrs. Janitor weíve got homework, you forgot to give us
homework.


[Someone in the theater goes SHHHHHH.]


Amy: Sorry, some people are just rude.


[New scene. Larry, Cheryl, and Jeff talking at the Michaelson's house.


Larry: And she's sitting there, now, is she a guest?


Cheryl: Does she work there?


Larry: Does she work there?


Cheryl: Yea


Larry: She's just some person...


Jeff: that's insane.


Larry: she wouldn't let me bring it in, we had this huge fight. She's right
there.


[Larry points her out]


Larry: There she is, sheís right there, on the right.


Jeff: She's talking to Anne Michaelson, you know Lane Michaelson's wife.
That's her, that's who she's talking to.


Cheryl: Oh.


Larry: Thatís Lane Michaelson's wife?


Jeff: That's Lane Michaelson's wife.


Larry: well.


Jeff: ahh, you know. So Tomorrow night you guys wanna go to dinner before
part two?


Cheryl: ummmmmmm


Larry: no.


Cheryl: Well, I do wanna go to part two


Larry: NO.


Jeff: You gotta go to part two, you're a part of the ABC Family!


Cheryl: yea, we're definitely going to part two.


Larry: Yea, but we're not going to dinner with you though.


Cheryl: We, We've already made plans.


Jeff: That's alright.


Larry: We don't have any plans, we just don't wanna go to dinner with you.


[A waitress comes by and serves Larry, Cheryl, and Jeff frozen Margaritas.]


Cheryl: Thank you.


Waitress: Frozen Margaritas.


Larry: Frozen Margaritas? Thank you.


Jeff: you gotta go. Actually I wanna go cause she showed a lot of cleavage
for that time ...


Cheryl:(to Jeff) Stop It!


Jeff: In that time I don't think they wore it that low and she's really was
a little much if you ask me.


Cheryl: I guess they didn't worry cleavage.


[Larry begins coughing and hitting his chest]


Cheryl: must not be from...


Larry: Oh, Ah. Cold! Chest freeze!


Cheryl: Larry.


Larry: Chest freeze! Oh!


[Anne Michaelson comes walking up.


Jeff: he's ok


Anne Michaelson:(to Larry) put your tongue to the top of your month. No, no,
your tongue to the top of your mouth. Like this,
Like this


[Lane Michaelson comes walking up]


Lane Michaelson:(to Larry) Are you alright?


Larry: Oh! Oh!


Jeff: You gotta go. Chest freeze, chest freeze.


Lane Michaelson: Oh, I see. Yea.


Larry: It was too cold, sorry.


Anne Michaelson:(to Larry) would you like some hot tea or something like
that?


Larry: It, it will go away.


Lane Michaelson: So Anne, you've met Larry?


Anne Michaelson: Umm, No I haven't met Larry, but I've heard a lot about
you.


Larry: Hello. Hi Very nice to.


Lane Michaelson: Larry, Anne.


Cheryl: Cheryl


Lane Michaelson: Cheryl


Anne Michaelson: Hi.


Cheryl: Hi. Nice to meet you.


Jeff: And uh I'm Jeff Green, we met uh


Anne Michaelson: Oh! Hi.


Jeff: How are you?


Larry: Is there a bathroom I could use?


Lane MIchaelson: Yea, right down there


Larry: Right down there?


Lane Michaelson: Yea, just to the right. Just go down there.


Jeff: I would like to thank your producer or director or whoever because
they revealed that much boozzum.


[New Scene: Larry walks into the bathroom and discovers there is no lock.
He tries to guard the door and pee at the same time. He gives up and walks
out of the bathroom. After walking out of the bathroom, Larry notices some
stairs and goes up them. Larry then walks into the Michaelson's daughter's
bedroom.]


Larry:(to Tara) Hello.


Tara: Oh. Hi.


Larry:(pointing to a door) is that a bathroom?


Tara: Umm. Yea. Why, you have to go potty?


Larry: Yea, I do have to go potty.


Tara: You can go in there.


Larry: Oh, ok.


[Larry uses the bathroom and comes out]


Larry: Well, Thank you.


Tara: Oh, you're welcome.


Larry: What are you doing?


Tara: Oh, I'm just brushing my doll's hair.


Larry: Oh, yea, what's her name?


Tara: Judy.


Larry: Judy!, Judy! Judy!


[Larry kneels next to Tara]


Larry: Boy, she's got pretty long hair.


Tara: Yea.


Larry: Yea


Tara: Do you think maybe it's too long?


Larry: It's kinda long.


Tara: Yea, do you think you could give it a haircut?


Larry: You want me to give it a haircut?


Tara:(nodding) Can you?


Larry: I guess.


Tara: OK


[Larry pulls a Swiss Army Knife out of his jacket.]


Larry: See this thing?


Tara: Yea hu.


Larry: It's called a Swiss Army Knife


Tara: Mu hm.


Larry: You Heard of Switzerland?


Tara; Um, Yea.


Larry: It's a country in Europe and they don't like to fight.


Tara: Hu!


Larry: They let everybody do their fighting for them while they ski and eat
chocolate.


Tara:(pointing to the dolls hair) Umm, about right there.


Larry: Oh you wanna give it a little kinda Dorothy Hamilton? Huh?


Tara: Yea.


[Larry begins to cut the doll's hair.]


Larry: Boy, she's got really thick hair.


Tara: Uh hu. At least it will be shorter.


Larry: Uh hu. Um. Alright. Oh Yea!


Tara: She looks much prettier.


Larry: I think so too, look at that! I really think I did a great job.


Tara: Yea you did a great job.


Larry: Yea, Now I take her out!


Tara: Yea, now this is definitely more ways to brush and it looks great


Larry: Can I tell you something? It's a very French look.


Tara: Ha-ha.


Larry: It's very French.


Tara: She looks prettier.


Larry: Good Luck Judy!!!


Tara: Thank you.


[Larry leaves the room and goes back downstairs. Cheryl comes out of the
bathroom.]


Cheryl: Larry. There's no lock on that bathroom door,


Larry: I know.


Cheryl: That's crazy.


Larry: I know. It's insane. That's your top priority in a house


Cheryl: In the bathroom.


Larry: Yea, of course.


Cheryl: Will you guard the door while I go?


Larry: Sure.


Cheryl: Tow Minutes.


[Cheryl goes into the bathroom.]


Tara:(running down the stairs) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.


Anne MIchaelson: Tara! What is it?


Tara: Look, at my doll's hair!


Anne Michaelson: Why did you cut her hair off.?


Tara:(pointing to Larry) I didn't cut it, he did. He cut it?


Anne Michaelson:(to Larry) is this true?


Larry: Yea, well, she asked me, she asked me to give it a haircut


Tara: It's true mommy.


Anne Michaelson: You walked into my daughterís room and you cut her Judy's
hair?


Tara: It's not fair!!


Larry: Well, She asked me to give it a haircut


Anne Michaelson: Uh hu, and did you happen to tell her that maybe it
wouldn't grow back


[Amy (women from the theater) suddenly walks up]


Amy: He didn't tell her it would grow back.


Tara: It won't grow back!


Larry: I thought it was understood.


Anne Michaelson:(to Larry) how could you not understand that a little girl
has a vivid imagination, she's extremely gifted


[Lane Michaelson then walks into the bathroom that Larry was supposed to be
guarding]


Cheryl: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Lane Michaelson: I'm sorry.


Tara: I hate that doll's hair


Anne Michaelson: That a little girl doesn't know that her doll's hair is not
going to grow back.


Larry: Really?


Anne Michaelson: You know who this is? This is Judy


Larry: I thought


Anne Michaelson: She is a collectors item, were not going to be able to
finds another one like this


Larry: I can, I will, I


Anne Michaelson: I got this doll before she was born.


Larry: Well, I can replace it, I'm sure I can.


Anne Michaelson: Oh you can replace it? This is lisle Liberty the Beanie
Baby, Out of Production, OOP. Ok. Not coming back.


Tara: It's never gonna grow back.


Anne Michaelson:(Grabbing the dolls hair) what is that?


Larry: I guess I missed a strand there. Umm, I can...


Tara: It's ugly mommy!!!!


Larry:(pulling out his Swiss Army Knife) I can get that, Let me get that, I
got a Swiss Army Knife, I can get that.


Tara: It's all cause, the haircuts ugly!!!


Anne Michaelson: Letís go Tara.


[Tara and Anne go upstairs.]


Larry: I, I, She said it looked earlier, she liked it.


Amy: Not a surprise.


Larry: I thought it was understood, that


[By now everyone at the party is starring at Larry:


Jeff: Larry.


Larry: This is, go ahead. Jesus Christ. Who doesn't know that when you cut
a doll's hair it doesn't grow back.


Jeff: She should know better


Larry: I thought the doll looked better to tell you the truth.


Jeff: I dunno, I haven't seen it before.


Larry: You seen the haircut, I gave it? Well, it was ugly, it was way down
to her waist.


Jeff: Whatís the Doll's name, Judy?


Larry: Yea.


Jeff: I may be able to help you with this, ok, my daughter has a huge doll
collection, her room is filled with dolls. I think
She might have that Judy doll.


Larry: You think she's got a Judy doll.


Jeff: Sounds familiar to me, not positive, we can go in tomorrow, zip in,
zip out, boom.


Larry: Would she miss the doll? If...


Jeff: No!!, my daughter's not going to care, she's not going to miss the
difference, she hasn't played with it in a long time
Anyhow, we go by the house tomorrow, we'll check it out.


Larry: Yea, I mean otherwise, you know this is ugly


Jeff: I know


Larry: I mean I just got this deal here...


Jeff: I mean the whole ABC Deal could go down the drain, it really could.


[Cheryl the walks out of the bathroom. Larry just looks at her and points
to the bathroom like he's forgot something.


[New Scene: Larry and Cheryl in their bedroom]


Cheryl: Honestly, I have never been so humiliated in my life, really.


Larry: I fucked up.


Cheryl: Are you trying to be funny now? Because.


Larry: No, I fucked up.


Cheryl: I am really not in the mood.


Larry: I fucked up.


Cheryl: Yea, Michaelson really knows me, He knows a lot about me.


Larry: Well, what did he see exactly?


Cheryl: Uhhh, Everything. Exactly. Ok. Like imagine the worse moment a
person could walk in on somebody..


Larry: ok. got it


Cheryl: You think youíre alone...


Larry: I got, I got


Cheryl: and youíre in the bathroom


Larry: I, I got it.


Cheryl: Yea.


Larry: I got it.


Cheryl: That's what it was.


Larry: I got it.


Cheryl: I cannot risk running into him at social functions, at your little
ABC parties, and screenings, I think youíre just
Going to have to go somewhere else.


Larry: Are you out of your mind? You want to end the deal because of this?


Cheryl: Yea I do.


Larry: We can't go to NBC anymore because of youíre uh, envirermental
problems with General Electric, HBO, you know what
Happened with them. This, we're running out!


Cheryl: well, thatís your fault.


Larry: Well, I got news for you, you might not have to worry because it
could all be moot.


Cheryl: Why?


Larry: Because if I don't replace the doll it's over.


[Cheryl just looks at Larry]


Larry: Divorce? Is it a divorce?


Cheryl: Yea, it's a divorce so start packing up cause youíre moving out.


Larry: Huh?


Cheryl: I wish you wouldn't talk anymore tonight.


Larry: Come on, you...


Cheryl: I wish you would say one more thing to me.


[Larry then starts hitting Cheryl with his sleeve]


[New Scene. Larry and Jeff walk up to Jeff's house.]


[They walk into the house]


Jeff: Susie?


Larry: Hey you sure you wanna do this?


Jeff: I'm positive, come on.


Larry: You don't think Sammy's gonna mind, she's not going to notice?


Jeff: She's got a million dolls, she's not gonna notice anything.


[Larry and Jeff walk into Sammy's room]


Jeff: Here we are in doll world. Dolls here, here, here. Look at all these.


Larry: Wow!


Jeff: You have no idea on how much money Iíve spent on dolls.


Larry: Holy cow! Look at this.


Jeff: I know. (Holding up a doll) This isn't Judy, is it? Right of the top.


Larry: This? No I think Judy's hair was lighter.


Jeff: OK. Well.


Larry: She looks


Jeff: she looks like Judy. She looks...


Larry: Whatís up here? It all of this..


Jeff: yep more dolls.


Larry: Thereís dolls up here?


Jeff: yea, just go through. Judy!!!!!!! Judy, Judy, there you go!


[Jeff hands Larry a doll]


Larry: No


Jeff: Yes it is, of course it is


Larry: No, no, it's not her.


Jeff: That's Judy!


Larry: No, It's not Judy.


Jeff: I've seen Judy, thatís Judy, I am telling...


Larry no, no Judy, Judy has brown eyes


Jeff: no!!!!!


Larry: She has blue eyes


Jeff: oh, you don't know the eyes!


Larry: No, I do know the eyes cause...


Jeff: Come on! I've seen my daughter call her Judy!


Larry: Sweet Judy Brown eyes I said it in my head.


Jeff: You said sweet Judy brown eyes?


Larry: Yes, I know the song was sweet Judy blue eyes and she has brown eyes.
It's brown eyes. Thatís not Judy.


Jeff: wow, Sweet Judy brown eyes, Holy Shit! Where the, some of these doll's
are scary. Bunch of bald ones up here.


[Larry then spots a doll on a self on the wall]


Larry: Judy.


Jeff: What?


Larry: Judy!!! See there!


Jeff: Yea!


Larry: Judy!!!!!


Jeff: Judy!!


[Larry jumps up and grabs the doll of the shelf, thus knocking the self off
the wall.]


Jeff: Oh my god! What are you, here.


Larry: Oh


[Larry and Jeff then try to put the shelf back on the wall.]


Larry: Needed this


[A door downstairs is shut]


Jeff: Susie's Here!


Larry: Oh, Shit!


Susie:(yelling form downstairs) Jeffery!


Larry: What do I do?


Jeff: Stick it in your jacket.


Susie:(still downstairs) Jeffery!


Larry: It's too big. Where do I put it?


Jeff: Do something! She's coming up.


[Larry then pulls the head of Judy and sticks it in his pants.


Jeff: Give this to me


[Jeff puts the body with the other dolls.]


Susie:(still downstairs) Jeffery I saw your car, what the fuck are you doing
here? Youíre supposed to call first. Jeffery.


[Jeff then picks up the self and begins to put it back on the wall.]


Jeff: So what you want to be doing...


Larry: Uh uh


Jeff: is, is you need to drill


Larry: Yea


[Susie walks into Sammy's room]


Susie: What...


Larry: Hi Susie.


Susie: is going on here?


Larry: Hi.


Susie: What are you doing here?


Jeff: The amount of sleep that I've lost thinking...


Susie: What are you doing here!!


Jeff: Listen and I'll tell you! Sammy's shelf has been on my mind, I've
always thought this shelf was loose and I came here
And I pushed it and tested it, all the dolls fell right there.


Susie: Jeffery, why don't I believe you?


Jeff: I dunno.


Susie: What the hell are you doing here? In Sammy's room of all places, and
you brought Larry to help you with the shelf.


Larry: I know a lot about shelving. I, I put up all the shelves in my house
and...


Susie: You put the shelves up in youíre, I find that hard to believe.


Jeff: He knows a lot about shelving.


Larry: No, I put them all up and I was going to...


Susie: Mr. California closets over here all of a sudden


Larry: check the his shelves here


Susie: Look, get the Hell, leave, leave, and by the way, what? You didn't
think I saw you at the screening last night? You
Think I didn't notice you, huh, Fat Fuck trying to hide like your Mr.
Inconspicuous. Get out!


Larry:(To Susie) Are you going back tonight for part two?


Susie: I might be.


[New Scene: Larry and Jeff in Jeff's Car]


[Larry pulls the doll head out of his pants]


Larry: Well what do you think? You think this is gonna work?


Jeff: I hope it works, it was painful.


Larry: So you don't think Michaelson's wife, she's, do you think she, she's
not going to have a problem with this. With the
Head, just the head.


Jeff: That's fine


Larry: Huh?


Jeff: She's got the body, it's fine.


Larry: We'll just attach it.


Jeff: Attach the head.


Larry: Yea. Good. That's fine, boy it's starting to itch me down there.


[Shot of the outside Jeff's house]


Sammy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Susie: What's wrong? Sammy, Darling!


[Sammy holds up the headless doll.]


Sammy: Mommy, Somebody cut off Judy's head!


[Michaelson's wife answers her door and Larry shows her the head.]


Anne Michaelson: Yea?


Larry: Judy. I got Judy.


Anne Michaelson: Where's her body?


Larry: It didn't come with a body.


Anne Michaelson: Uh hu.


[Anne Michaelson takes the head and inspects it.]


Anne Michaelson: Is this an authentic Judy?


Larry: Believe me, that is Judy.


Anne Michaelson: Alright, well uh why don't you come in and I'll go upstairs
and make sure it fits.


[Larry walks into the house]


Larry: Oh believe me it's gonna fit.


Anne Michaelson: Well, we'll just see about that.


Larry: May I use your bathroom?


Anne Michaelson: Yea.


[Larry starts to follow Anne Michaelson upstairs]


Anne Michaelson:(pointing) Right there.


[Larry turns around and heads for the downstairs bathroom.]


[A locksmith is working on the door]


Larry: Oh.


Locksmith: Hey, how ya doing?


Larry: Good, What are you doing? Putting a lock in?


Locksmith: Yea, a new lock.


Larry: Oh, beautiful. Excellent.


Locksmith: Go ahead.


Larry: ok, um h, don't, don't leave your post, ok?


Locksmith: Ok, sure.


[Anne Michaelson comes downstairs and Larry comes out of the bathroom.]


[Anne Michaelson holds the doll up]


Larry: Great. Oh, thatís great.


Anne Michaelson: I think she's fixed.


Larry: Oh, terrific.


Anne Michaelson: So, Thank you, thank you


Larry: Youíre welcome.


Anne Michaelson: I appreciate...


Larry: Your very welcome, and uh again I'm just sorry about the whole thing
and cutting it, but...


Anne Michaelson: Well, you think this is going to be ok? Do you think she's
going to notice the difference.


Larry: No, she'll never know the difference, really. I mean if she does you
should enroll her in some kinda school for gifted
Children.


Anne Michaelson: Well, she's already at Merman, she is gifted, she's highly
gifted.


Larry: Oh.


Anne Michaelson: We might not be able to pull it off.


Larry: Yea, it's a shame she didn't know that the was gonna grow back. Yea.
Cause, she's a bright girl.


Anne Michaelson: She has a vivid imagination


Larry: No, Iím sure she does. Umm, anyway, so again Iím sorry, you, you'll
be at part two?


Anne Michaelson: Yea, I'll be there.


Larry: Yea, ok. Great, alright all well that ends well.


Anne Michaelson: Bye-bye


Larry: You don't think she actually looked good with the short hair?


[Larry leaves the Michaelson's.]


[New Scene: Larry and Jeff in Jeff's car]


[Larry and Jeff pull into Larry's driveway where Susie is waiting for them]


Larry: Oh.


Jeff: oh, shit!


Larry: Oh, no.


[Larry and Jeff get out of the car.]


Susie: Where's the head? I know you took the doll's head where is it?
Where's the fucking head!!


Jeff: I, I dunno.


Susie: The kid at home hestarrical because her doll, Judy, has been
decapitated, cause you two sickos took the head for god
Knows what reason, some voodoo shit you're doing, where is it?


[Larry starts scratching his balls.]


Susie: Stop scratching your balls and tell me where it is. Alright just get
me the fucking head, Alright, get me the fucking
Head, alright, both of you I've had it, you four-eyed fuck and you fat piece
of shit, Get me the head!


[Larry and Jeff get back into the car and drive off]


Jeff: I didn't need that, man she's nuts.


Larry: What are we going to do now?


Jeff: I can drive back to the Michaelson's.


Larry: I don't think she's gonna give us the head back.


Jeff: No, I guess not.


[Larry sticks his hand in his pants]


Jeff: What are you doing?


Larry: My penis itches me. Hey, maybe, maybe, um, maybe, she's got the short
haired version, we can get the short haired Judy
Back.


Jeff: yea.


Larry: She may have thrown it out.


Jeff: Nah, we were just there.


Larry: What about giving the short haired version back to Susie and your
daughter?


Jeff: they won't know the difference.


Larry: Your daughter's not going to know the hair was cut.


Jeff: My daughter and or Susie are not going to know the difference


Larry: You think so?


Jeff: I know we can get away with it.


Larry: Jesus Christ! My Penis is itching!


Jeff: You know what? You put that doll head down there and who knows what
that hair is made our of, you've got a allergic
Reaction, Iím telling you.


Larry: Yea, I think I got some kinda rash, I gotta check out my penis, I
have to go to the doctor now? That's going to be
a lot of fun, whereíd you get the rash? Oh, I stuck a doll's head down my
pants, Dr. It feels good to me!


[New Scene: Anne Michaelson opens her door and there is Larry.]


Larry: Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, um, I was wondering, this is gonna sound
crazy, do you have the short haired head? The one that I cut.


Anne Michaelson: Right. You, you want the short haired Judy head?


Larry: Yea.


Anne Michaelson: Why would you want that short haired Judy head?


Larry: I kinda, like it.


Anne Michaelson: You know what? I dunno, I'll go up there and see if it's
there.


Larry: Thank you, I would appreciate it.


Anne Michaelson: Fine.


Larry: Thank you.


Anne Michaelson: Wait right here.


Larry: Um, May I use your bathroom?


Anne Michaelson: Yea, it's right...


Larry: I know.


[Larry goes into the bathroom and locks the door. He pulls down is pants and
checks out his penis. Right then Amy, opens
The door.]


Amy: Oh.


[Amy closes the door and walks away sickened. Larry pulls up his pants and
goes out of the bathroom where he sees the
Locksmith.]


Larry:(to the locksmith) Hey, the lock's not working.


Locksmith: Oh, I know, I had to go get some parts.


Larry: Oh, Great!


[Anne Michaelson comes downstairs with the short haired head]


Larry: Oh!! Hey, look at this!


[Anne Michaelson hands Larry the head]


Anne Michaelson: It's your lucky day.


Larry: Ok, Great, thank you so much.


Anne Michaelson: OK.


Larry: The short Hair, it's very becoming. I think, you know?


Anne Michaelson: Right, fine, good.


Larry: OK, umm, hey see ya tonight part two.


Anne Michaelson: Right.


[Larry leaves and Amy walks up to Anne Michaelson]


Amy: You are not going to believe what I just saw.


[Larry and Jeff drive up to Jeff's house. Susie answers the door, Jeff and
Larry are there with the head.]


[Susie takes the head]


Susie: Oh, ok. She's your daughter too you know. Alright. Somethingís not
right here.


Jeff: That's the head.


Larry: That's the head.


Susie: This is the head?


Larry: That's Judy.


Jeff: That's Judy.


Susie: This is not the head, this is not the, somethingís...


Jeff: sure, it's the head.


Larry: That's the head.


Susie: Are you sure?


Larry and Jeff: Yea.


Susie: Something seems off.


Jeff: I dunno, alright we brought it back, I'll see you later.


Larry: See ya part two? You going tonight?


Susie: Yea, Maybe


[Jeff and Larry leave and Susie shuts the door]


[New scene. Larry, Cheryl, and Jeff standing in the ABC Theater lobby.]


Jeff: hey, is your assistant going out with anybody?


Larry: You're not going out with my assistant. Ok?


Jeff: what? I just asked you a question.


Larry: NO, it's too...


Jeff: How you know I want to go out with her?


Larry: Because when you ask that question I know what you're talking about,
I'm not an idiot.


Cheryl: Quiet, Susie can hear you.


[Susie is across the room]


Jeff:(Whispering) hi, how are you?


[Larry, Jeff and Cheryl see The Michaelson's.]


Larry: Oh, God, Michaelson's.


Cheryl: Oh, my god.


Jeff: The little girl.


Larry: Oh, she's got the doll.


Jeff: Beautiful.


Larry: OHHHH. Look at that.


Jeff: looks good.


Lane Michaelson: Oh, there're they David's.


[They wave at each other.]


Cheryl: Honestly, I can't even look at that guy right now. Really, it makes
me sick to my stomach.


[Susie sees Tara Michaelson with Judy. See looks at Larry and Jeff and lips
she knows about the doll.]


Larry: You know, I'm, I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom.


[Larry walks by Amy, who gives him a dirty look, then Larry walks into the
menís room, then walk right back out.


Larry: Cheryl.


Cheryl: What?


Larry: Come here for a second.


Cheryl: What?


Larry: do me a favor see if anyone is in the ladies room.


Cheryl: Why?


Larry: It's an all factory nightmare in that menís room.


[Cheryl walks into the ladies room.]


Cheryl: Ahh. Is anybody in here? Coast is clear.


Larry: Great, Two minutes.


Cheryl: ok, two minutes.


[Larry goes in and after 5 seconds Cheryl leaves]


[Larry comes out of the stall and washes his hands. He then looks for a
place to put his bottle water, but the only place he
Can find is in his pants, so he sticks the bottle in his pants and heads for
the door.]


[Tara Michaelson walks into the bathroom right as Larry gets to the door]


Larry: Hello.


Tara: Oh, Hi, Thank you for fixing Judy's hair.


Larry: Oh, you're welcome.


[Tara hugs Larry and her head rubs up against Larry's crotch. She runs out
of the bathroom]


Tara:(screaming) Mommy, Mommy, that bald mans in the bathroom and there's
something hard in his pants.


Everyone in the Theater: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


[Larry stands in the bathroom with his mouth wide open, he sees a window in
the bathroom and jumps out of it.]


[End of Episode]

Posted by Stan The Caddy at February 11, 2004 11:47 AM | TrackBack
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