Mall Christmas Shoppers: Should They Live Or Die?
People... they're the worst! We need rules in the shopping malls, and we need them NOW... just as we have on our roads.
If one is mindlessly browsing, window shopping, fixing a child's shoe lace, unsure of where exactly a particular store is, or doing anything else which causes one to either stop or slow down considerably.... GET OVER AND STAY TO THE FAR RIGHT or be shot on sight!
If, like me, one actually "knows where one is headed" and "what it is one wants to buy," before even arriving at the mall, one can stay in the middle lane (I know, lanes don't exist in malls... but that's my dream). one gets what one needs, one leaves, and is allowed to live. Simple.
RULE 3. anyone who suddenly stops, for any reason in front of people, whom they know damn well are walking right behind, they will be shot immediately by security and taken away. There are no tickets, no fines, and no warnings... People have had plenty of time to catch on to this. If one has any common sense, one is encouraged to bring it along.
No more bullsh*t! Enough is enough! You either make it, or you don't.
CHRISTMAS PARKING: Territorial Assholes
You've seen these people, especially at Christmas time, who sit in their cars and stall for long periods of time ONLY because they know you are waiting for the space. They're through with it, but they don't want YOU to have it. They either want you to impatiently drive away, or continue to suffer while you wonder if you'll ever get it so you can become as "superior" as them.
Have shopping mall Guard Towers. Once people get into their cars, they have twenty seconds to pull out or they are shot and their vehicles are picked up by giant magnetic cranes and flung into landfills so the next upcoming shoppers can have their chances at following the rules.
Let's keep things moving along, folks!
Next week... "Cell Phone Cops: Lousy Thugs"