Seinfeld DVD Complete Series Box Set

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Ok here is a joke

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Cosmo Kramer

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 11:15 PM 

ok, this is one i had a few months ago. tell me what you think. dont be too harsh.

Beef jerky. It is an interesting thing. The very aspect of taking red meat, a delicious and mouth watering thing such as steak and dehydrating it and putting smoke flavoring in it boggles my mind. I mean I just donít get it. I was craving it for the past two weeks. Why? No idea! I hate beef jerky. So what did I just do? I bought some. Now why the hell did I buy this big bag of Oberto? Well, I thought I would like it this time. So I break the bag open, I smell the aroma of beef jerky. The aroma of beef jerky smells kind of like nicely smoked brisket, then the longer you smell it starts to smell like Vienna sausages (which I also hate) then even longer it makes you want to vomit.

So I pick up one of the square pieces which resembles raw hide that you would give to a dog (I think rawhide is beef jerky that has been dehydrated too much, ok so it is not sue me) I pop it in my mouth, I press my teeth against it. I pull, nothing, I pull harder, nothing. Finally I pull so hard that I think to myself ok, this is either going to pull my teeth out or I am actually going to get beef jerky. I feel like quitting then my tongue presses gently over the beef jerky. Hmmm it does not taste that bad, so I pull harder. Finally it snaps free, and after a slight case a whiplash the meet is in my mouth. I start to chew. Hmmm not too shabby, eh? I think I like beef jerky. Another bite please; by this time my teeth feel kind of like they did when I first got braces. So after the second less noticeable whiplash I start to grind it up. And I think ok, this is not the same beef jerky. This is no where as good as the first bite. So I go for the third. Ok this is crap! Now I know why my dog will not eat her jerky treats I gave her! What is this taste in my mouth? It is horrible and getting worse and worse by the second. Damn it spit the jerky out!! I donít know what that taste is but I definitely do not want to figure it out.

Now why would I assume that even though I was craving it I would like the jerky, and why the hell did I have a craving for something I donít even like, and I never have? I guess this is one of those strange happenings in life. So I am going to go and throw out this jerky.

So, the moral of this story?? Next time you bite into a steak and notice how amazingly juicy and flavorful it is, just donít get the crazy idea as the idiot that thought of jerky. ďIf this steak tastes this good, steak will taste good any way you make it. Even dehydratedĒ

yeah, not exactly seinfeld type joke. but it was my first try at standup.

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