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read my "The Grocery Store" Seinfeld episode

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Cosmo 87

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 8:18 PM 

"The Grocery Store"
Episode 180
Finale of Season 9

Sitting at the table at Monk's(Jerry, George, Kramer)

George: Why do they make these damn ketchup packets so small?
Jerry: We abot done here?
Kramer: Ya see George, the thing about the ketchup packets is that the smaller they make them, the healtheir their customers are because there's not all that plastic with the ketchup that gets in the customer's blood and kills 'em.
Jerry: Yeah, we're about done here.
G: Are you sure Kramer?
K: Of course! I was in the restaurant business for of my life.
J: Ypu've never held a job for more than a day!
K: What!?
J: Let's go!

scene 2-on the street(J,K,G)
K: Speaking of ketchup, I gotta stop by the grocery store and buy some of that SPF 1000 Super Protection sunscreen.
J: Whaddya need that for?
K: Yeah, I'm sunning on the roof with butter again! It makes me glow, plus I get vitamin C. Vitamin C, Jerry!
J: Oh, you're crazy!
K: That's why they call me Cosmo.
J: How do you get sunscreen outta ket--oh, nevermind!

scene 3-grocery store (J,K,G)

J: Alright, we're only in here for sunscreen, that's it. The Mets are playing in 20 mins!
K:Yeah, ok, only sunscreen.
G: I've heard about these new watermelon twinkies, I might get some of those.
J: Oh yeah, only sunscreen (walking down an aisle, Elaine sneeks up behind them).
K:Whoa!!Yeah!! (falls back into Elaine then falls forward landing in a display of cereal boxes, knocking them to the floor)
E: Watch it, you hipster doofus!

Cosmo 87
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 266

Reply: 1

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 8:41 PM 

K: You just sorta snuck up on me there!
(Manager comes running down aisle)
Manager: What happened here!
K: Nothing (tries to pick up boxes and slips on wet spot on floor. Gets up, brushes himself off)
K: I think you need to put a "wet floor" sign here.
M: Just watch yourself next time, ok crazy man!
K: Yeahhhh!!
(all four begin walking down aisle)

J Sad to Elaine) So why are you here?
E: Buy some sponges. There back on the market!
J: Elaine "the Hooker" Benes is back and stronger than ever before!
E: That's right, Gerome, no more strict evaluatons of my boyfriends, just worry-free sex, baby!
G: Huh, the sponges are back on the market. Maybe I'll buy some.
J: You, what do you need them for?
G: I'm seeing this girl, Lydia, she use the sponge.
J: How long you been with her?
G: Two days.
E: You know what contraceptive your two-day old girlfriend uses, but you didnt know what your fiancee used!
K:He, he.
G: Yeah, well I pay attention now!
(turning down another aisle)
E: Ah, yes, here we go. My ticket to sex (picks up like 5 cases).
G: Wow! Stocking up! (Takes his share as well.)I'm expecting a wild weel, too!
(girl appears, looking digusted!)
Lydia: George!
G: Hey, honey!
L: Whaddya doing!?
G Sad weakly) Preparing to pleasure you?
L: What, you take me for some kind of whore on street?
G: (slowly) No.
L: Goodbye, George.
G: Bye. (she leaves)
J: Well,that's a shame. I guess that's over, and she seemed like such a nice girl. She had a helluva body, too!(George gives Jerry a disgusted look)
G: Well, I guess I'll go look for those twinkies (gives his sponges to Elaine).
J: Come on Kramer, get your sunscreen already. Mets game in 15 minutes!
J: Yeah, this idiot's buttering himself up again and goin' ont eh roof (they laugh).
K: Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you want. But don't come crying to me when you're on your deathbed at 70 and I'm having sex with a teenager! This keeps you vibrant and going! I'm perculating(sp?) Jerry. It gives you 10 essential vitamins and nutrients! And, it helps with it down there.
J: Yeah, uh huh.
K Sad turns around quickly and bumps into a pyramid of soup cans)
M: Hey, what's goin' on!?

Gary Fogel

Posts: 76

Reply: 2

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 9:02 PM 

It's not really that funny, and it seems like you're merely reusing concepts from older Seinfeld episodes rather than coming up with any original material. And you went a little overboard with Kramer bumping into things at the grocery store. Once is enough, anything more and you're cheapening it.

Also, Kramer doesn't strike me as the pervert type. George maybe (he was attracted to a Nazi), but not Kramer.

Cosmo 87
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 266

Reply: 3

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 9:09 PM 

M: I'm calling the police on you crazy man.
K: What, don't I get three strikes before I'm out!
J:As in three strikes you're out like at a baseball game which is what I'm missing right now!
K: Oh, the Mets agme.
J: Yeah, the Mets game. But you and you're sunscreed, George and Elaine and there twinkies and condoms.
K Sad interrupting) Sponges.
J:Whatever, and --oh hello Newman, and Newman (ye, Newman just now apperared)!
M: That's it! I'm calling 'em!(rushes away)
K: Yeah you can't charge me with anything.
Newman: (after watching Kramer) Hello Jerry.
J: Why're you here?
N:L I wana check out these new watermelon twinkies! I here there delicious!
J: You too!? George is looking for some right now. (Elaine, who has ben silent, looking like she's wasting her life being here, speaks up)
E: Well, I gotta go boys. I'm content with my sponges. I'll go work the west side now.
K: He, he.
J: Alright, then, see you.
N: I may also pick up some real watermelons, too, maybe a few pizzas, cookies, snakes, drinks, and such.
J: Of course.
N: What about you?
J: I'm just taggin along with Fried Chicken here(gesturing to Kramer).
He's buttering himself up again and goin' on the roof. He needs this SPF 1000 sunscreen, and I'm definetley goin' to miss the Mets game.
N: Did you sat butter?
K: Yeah, buddy, but don't go baring your teeth at me this time. I'm getting a tan, not being baked, basted, and fried like a leg at Kenny's.
N: OK, well see you guys later (rushes off probably to go eat some chicken).
J: Hey, there's George. Hey!
G: Hey!!
J: Come on, we're gonna get this sunscreen and get outta here. Did you get your Twinkies>
G: Yeah!
(police come through door and speak to manager, then come to Kramer)
Police: You ok, sir (to Kramer)
K: Yeah, I just tried a watermelon twinkie. (he's eating one right now out of George's box, spitting on the policeman as he's talkng).
P: I wanna get some of those. I heard they're great. I'm getting kinda tired of powdered doughnuts anyway.
Yeah. They're watermelon,bread, cream, they're delcious. They're very filling!
P: The manager says you've been causing some trouble, so, you're under arrest.
K: Wait! No, he's lying.
J: Well, I guess I can see my game now.
G: Well, I guess I can stuff myself with twinkies now.
J: Yeah, so I'll see ya.
(Kramer resisting arrest in background, then getting lead to the police car, then shoved in) Note: At this point the famous background cymbals start playing, that always symbolize the end of the main part of the episode.
K: Wait!!!!!!!Wait!!!!!!!!! I forgot my SPF 1000 sunscreen!
(Jerry in his partment)

(turns on TV and takes a deep breath)
Announcer: Thanks for tuning in, it truly wa the greatest Mets game ever. See ya next time.
J: What was the score!!!!!!!!!!
(news come on)

Cosmo 87
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 266

Reply: 4

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 9:38 PM 

I knew that going in. I knew I probably wasn't going to have a lot of new material, just rehash some other things. Me and a friend wrote it at school today, we had nothing to do because it's the end of the year. We thought it be fun to do it. However, Kramer does have his perverted moments. Refer to "The Contest".

Gary Fogel

Posts: 76

Reply: 5

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 10:33 PM 

What I meant was that I don't see him going after teenagers. He is the least desperate of the four.

Latex Salesman

Posts: 347

Reply: 6

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 10:54 PM 

Yeah, all the sex stuff wasn't very subtle.


Posts: 809

Reply: 7

PostPosted: June 3, 2004 8:38 AM 

elaine would never talk like that.

Other Walter

Posts: 650

Reply: 8

PostPosted: June 3, 2004 1:06 PM 

watermelon twinkies is pretty good. I'd like to try one myself

Cosmo 87
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 266

Reply: 9

PostPosted: June 3, 2004 6:26 PM 

Sorry, Fogel, I wasn't sure what you meant. I thought you meant wasn't perverted in general. But you're right, he probably wouldn't go after teenagers.

Frank Costanza's Lawyer

Posts: 12

Reply: 10

PostPosted: June 24, 2004 2:53 PM 

I think it was decent. Its up to speed with the real finale as far as "original material".


Posts: 22

Reply: 11

PostPosted: June 24, 2004 5:03 PM 

I think it was really cute. It could use a few little alterations. But,I think you had everyone right on the money...the way they act and things they would say...


Posts: 22

Reply: 12

PostPosted: June 24, 2004 5:31 PM 

...other than the teenager comment.

Cosmo 87
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 266

Reply: 13

PostPosted: June 24, 2004 9:15 PM 

Thanks guys for the comments. I had fun doing this.

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