SEINFELD BLOG

I had a real life Seinfeld moment today which would have provided a whole episode of funnies.

After working out, I went to have a shower – there was another guy in the changing rooms about to have a shower too. I was in the shower and I noticed that he had taken the position next to me – there were 8 showers and only the two of us.

As George would have said:
Surely the urinal rule applies – a man only takes a urinal next to another if it is the only one available- if this rule doesn’t apply to showering then there must be chaos

What kind of message would I send if I had moved to a more distant shower, possibly one of the most difficult moves to make (apart from going back in to ask a girl out)

What did I do? I clenched – I had a couple of bowling balls back there. I clenched so long and so hard I pulled a muscle.
I believe Raymond the masseur is available today
That’s not funny Gerry

It’s all changed Gerry, back in the 80’s you knew who was gay with their hats and complicated shoes, now anyone can be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Their signals are too subtle – an earring in the left ear, right ear who knows anymore. It’s time us raging heteros took control. A ring through our noses, YES like a bull – that could be our signal.
Yes, no man messes with a man with a ring through his nose (no woman either)

George, it’s all about signals – that velvet pink shirt you wear……

It’s time for my medication. Nurse – the curtains

I never use a public urinal. Always a stall with a door that has a working lock. I don't want any guy trying to sneak a peek. I don't shower in front of other guys for the same reason.

I'd imagine the Shower Shun would be a difficult move. But because I've never showered with other men (or boys when I was in school), I've, fortunately, never had to worry about it. That's just so against nature, it's not even funny.

Buy a BowFlex, and shower at home.

I'm against all shower rules. It's so pretentous. Just like those athletes with their complicated jock straps.

If they need 'em.

That really is a tough move. Even tougher than telling an African American that he's not the "applicant we're looking for".

Awright, I tell you what muffinstump. You look like a nice guy, I'm gonna help you out....

Ok, here we go, right now... Muffinstump Pilot, Shower Project, Act 1, Scene A...

[muffinstump is showering as second showerer enters and takes position next to muffinstump]

Second Showerer: Oh, there's nothing like a cold one after a long day, eh?

muffinstump: Yeah. Uhh, excuse me but I have to go to the bathroom.

Second Showerer: I'm hip.

muffinstump: Hip to the what?

Second Showerer: To the whole scene. [sniffs]

muffinstump: What scene?

Second Showerer: The bathroom scene. [sniffs twice]

muffinstump: Listen, don't take this personally, but when I get back I'm showering over there. [points to furthest shower away]

I have a limit of the number of naked men I need to see in one day: ZERO

What kind of shower heads are they using?

"What kind of shower heads are they using?"

I'm sorry, there will be no....INSERTING of shower heads...there.

If you stick your hand in... is it easy to get it out?

Do you want to get it out?

(puts hands over face and pulls downward in frustration) What is this? What are we doing? What in God's name are we doing?

About the same thing you're doing. Only succesfully.

Yeah well...the success store called and....noooo......

Wait I got it!!!!

Yes.... No, WAIT!...... okay, yes.

I had a seinfeld moment every time at work. I'm surrounded by Italians, and everytime they talk in their native language, I get the sneaking suspision that they're talking about me. Any of you guys speak Italian?