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Previous Seinfeld Quotes

November 28, 2005

Seinfeld Quote #125: Never Say Giddy-up

Quote from a recent AP article on Seinfeld:

Perhaps inevitably, the foursome is further removed from “Seinfeld” than many fans. Richards, 56, says he never says “Giddy up!” — “not even when I’m on a horse.”

posted at 4:14 PM EDT | Discussion (10)

January 14, 2005

Seinfeld Quote #124: Hates Me so Much

"This woman hates me so much. I'm starting to like her."

-George Louis Costanza, in The Masseuse Read the script of The Masseuse Download the full epiosde video of The Masseuse Discuss The Masseuse

posted at 8:53 AM EDT | Discussion (6)

November 19, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #123: Idiot Friends

ELAINE: Oh boy. There's Sue Ellen. She didn't want me at this wedding, but here I am with a bunch of my idiot friends!

JERRY: This is gonna be great!

-in The Betrayal Read the script of The Betrayal Download the full epiosde video of The Betrayal Discuss The Betrayal

Just 4 more days until Seinfeld in released on DVD. Order yours today.

posted at 8:26 AM EDT | Discussion (14)

November 12, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #122: Saab Factory

JERRY: Vandelay. Wait a second. Mr. Pennypacker, if you're here, and Mr. Vandelay is also here, then who's watching the factory?

KRAMER: The factory?

JERRY: The Saab factory?

KRAMER: Jerry, that's in Sweden.

-in The Puerto Rican Day Read the script of The Puerto Rican Day Download the full epiosde video of The Puerto Rican Day Discuss The Puerto Rican Day

posted at 8:50 AM EDT | Discussion (9)

November 5, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #121: The Wrath of Khan

George: Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.

George: Don't you see? I'm back in.

Jerry: All because of Wrath of Khan?

George: Yes!

Jerry: Well, it was the best of those movies.

George: KHAAAAAAAANNNN!

-in The Foundation Read the script of The Foundation Download the full epiosde video of The Foundation Discuss The Foundation

posted at 9:49 AM EDT | Discussion (10)

November 1, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #120: Monkey Fist

"My neck is one gargantuan monkey fist."

-J Peterman, in The Foundation Read the script of The Foundation Download the full epiosde video of The Foundation Discuss The Foundation

posted at 7:18 AM EDT | Discussion (5)

October 22, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #119: Cachet

Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the ying-yang!

-George Louis Costanza, in The Seven Read the script of The Seven Download the full epiosde video of The Seven Discuss The Seven

posted at 8:48 AM EDT | Discussion (3)

October 15, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #118: Dolls

You know, I think I could have played with dolls if their were dolls in the house. It seems like fun to me. It doesn't seem like a gender thing. I think I would like to play with dolls. What's so terrible?

-George Louis Costanza, in The Big Salad Read the script of The Big Salad Download the full epiosde video of The Big Salad Discuss The Big Salad

posted at 8:07 AM EDT | Discussion (0)

September 16, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #117: Peculiar Habits

SALES WOMAN: Did the broker send you over?

KRAMER: Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with. (sniffing wall) Mmm. Mombassa, hmm?

SALES WOMAN: The asking price is $1.5 million.

KRAMER: Oh, I spend that much on after shave. Yes, I buy and sell men like myself every day. Now, I assume that there's a waterfall grotto?

-in The Puerto Rican Day Read the script of The Puerto Rican Day Download the full epiosde video of The Puerto Rican Day Discuss The Puerto Rican Day

Thanks to Ern for reminding me about this quote.

posted at 1:17 PM EDT | Discussion (3)

April 27, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #116: Got to be True

Jerry: Why do they want you to fire Raquel Welch?

Kramer: Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on peoples heads. Story like that has got to be true.

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Summer of George Read the script of The Summer of George Download the full epiosde video of The Summer of George Discuss The Summer of George

posted at 8:20 AM EDT | Discussion (15)

April 18, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #115: Scrub Women

"Oh, yeah? So what am I supposed to do, be more like you? All sealed up in here, emotionally unavailable, paying scrub women for sexual favors! No! Jerry, I won't be like you! Never! I'll never be like you!"

-Kramer, in The Maid Read the script of The Maid Download the full epiosde video of The Maid Discuss The Maid

posted at 8:12 PM EDT | Discussion (14)

April 4, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #114: Chamberlain

JERRY: Vomitting is not a deal breaker. If Hitler had vomitted on Chamberlain, Chamberlain still would have given him Czechoslovakia.

GEORGE: Chamberlain...you could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe.

-in The Pitch (Part 1) Read the script of The Pitch (Part 1) Download the full epiosde video of The Pitch (Part 1) Discuss The Pitch (Part 1)

posted at 10:21 PM EDT | Discussion (9)

March 2, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #113: Dark and Disturned

"Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That's how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed, that's disturbed! You can't find sickness like that anywhere. You think sickness like that grows on trees? Nobody is sicker than me, nobody. He's pretending, I'm the genuine article."

-George Louis Costanza, in The Visa Read the script of The Visa Download the full epiosde video of The Visa Discuss The Visa

posted at 9:07 AM EDT | Discussion (26)

January 15, 2004

Seinfeld Quote #112: They Cheesed Him

Kramer: Jerry, George got arrested.

Jerry: What?

Kramer: Yeah. He went at the Beatman, he tried to land, but they cheesed him.

Jerry: Oh now I see.

-in The Little Kicks Read the script of The Little Kicks Download the full epiosde video of The Little Kicks Discuss The Little Kicks

posted at 10:53 AM EDT | Discussion (22)

December 23, 2003

Seinfeld Quote #111: Raining blows

FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way!

KRAMER: What happened to the doll?

FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. "A Festivus for the rest of us!"

KRAMER: That musta been some kind of doll.

FRANK: She was.

-from The Strike Read the script of The Strike Download the full epiosde video of The Strike Discuss The Strike

posted at 10:01 AM EDT | Discussion (20)

October 29, 2003

Seinfeld Quote #110: Eating me up inside

"Look at you! Look at what you've sunk to! Look at what you've become! Look in the mirror, cause you need help, Jerry. You need help, because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach! I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself. It's eating me up inside!"

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Nose Job Read the script of The Nose Job Download the full epiosde video of The Nose Job Discuss The Nose Job

posted at 4:04 PM EDT | Discussion (8)

October 14, 2003

Seinfeld Quote #109: Skimp on the Swank

"When you're shopping on Madison Avenue, you don't want to skimp on the swank."

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Secretary Read the script of The Secretary Download the full epiosde video of The Secretary Discuss The Secretary

posted at 4:41 PM EDT | Discussion (0)

October 9, 2003

Seinfeld Quote #108: My Wife

"And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that...it's an amazing way to begin a sentence."

-Jerry Seinfeld, in The Wife Read the script of The Wife Download the full epiosde video of The Wife Discuss The Wife

This week's quote is dedicated to my lovely fiancee Michelle. Starting this Sunday, I will be able to start sentences with "my wife" too.

posted at 2:36 PM EDT | Discussion (15)

October 2, 2003

Seinfeld Quote #107: Supplemental Restraint

"Im very close to giving this car, that my celebrity friend is considering, my full endorsement. Oooh, Lets see if I can get a smile from these femininas.. Hey, Ladies! Its the Saab 900! What do you think? Can I interest you in a little supplemental restraint?!"

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Dealership Read the script of The Dealership Download the full epiosde video of The Dealership Discuss The Dealership

posted at 4:20 PM EDT | Discussion (7)

September 25, 2003

Seinfeld Quote #106: down your throat

"How would you like it if I just pulled your heart out of your chest right now, and shoved it down your throat?"

-Tom (TV Kramer), in The Pilot (Part 2) Read the script of The Pilot (Part 2) Download the full epiosde video of The Pilot (Part 2) Discuss The Pilot (Part 2)

posted at 4:30 PM EDT | Discussion (2)




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