SEINFELD BLOG

Quote from a recent AP article on Seinfeld:

Perhaps inevitably, the foursome is further removed from “Seinfeld” than many fans. Richards, 56, says he never says “Giddy up!” — “not even when I’m on a horse.”

"This woman hates me so much. I'm starting to like her."

-George Louis Costanza, in The Masseuse

ELAINE: Oh boy. There's Sue Ellen. She didn't want me at this wedding, but here I am with a bunch of my idiot friends!

JERRY: This is gonna be great!

-in The Betrayal

Just 4 more days until Seinfeld in released on DVD. Order yours today.

JERRY: Vandelay. Wait a second. Mr. Pennypacker, if you're here, and Mr. Vandelay is also here, then who's watching the factory?

KRAMER: The factory?

JERRY: The Saab factory?

KRAMER: Jerry, that's in Sweden.

-in The Puerto Rican Day

George: Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.

George: Don't you see? I'm back in.

Jerry: All because of Wrath of Khan?

George: Yes!

Jerry: Well, it was the best of those movies.

George: KHAAAAAAAANNNN!

-in The Foundation

"My neck is one gargantuan monkey fist."

-J Peterman, in The Foundation

Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the ying-yang!

-George Louis Costanza, in The Seven

You know, I think I could have played with dolls if their were dolls in the house. It seems like fun to me. It doesn't seem like a gender thing. I think I would like to play with dolls. What's so terrible?

-George Louis Costanza, in The Big Salad

SALES WOMAN: Did the broker send you over?

KRAMER: Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with. (sniffing wall) Mmm. Mombassa, hmm?

SALES WOMAN: The asking price is $1.5 million.

KRAMER: Oh, I spend that much on after shave. Yes, I buy and sell men like myself every day. Now, I assume that there's a waterfall grotto?

-in The Puerto Rican Day

Thanks to Ern for reminding me about this quote.

Jerry: Why do they want you to fire Raquel Welch?

Kramer: Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on peoples heads. Story like that has got to be true.

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Summer of George

"Oh, yeah? So what am I supposed to do, be more like you? All sealed up in here, emotionally unavailable, paying scrub women for sexual favors! No! Jerry, I won't be like you! Never! I'll never be like you!"

-Kramer, in The Maid

JERRY: Vomitting is not a deal breaker. If Hitler had vomitted on Chamberlain, Chamberlain still would have given him Czechoslovakia.

GEORGE: Chamberlain...you could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe.

-in The Pitch (Part 1)

"Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That's how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed, that's disturbed! You can't find sickness like that anywhere. You think sickness like that grows on trees? Nobody is sicker than me, nobody. He's pretending, I'm the genuine article."

-George Louis Costanza, in The Visa

Kramer: Jerry, George got arrested.

Jerry: What?

Kramer: Yeah. He went at the Beatman, he tried to land, but they cheesed him.

Jerry: Oh now I see.

-in The Little Kicks

FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way!

KRAMER: What happened to the doll?

FRANK: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. "A Festivus for the rest of us!"

KRAMER: That musta been some kind of doll.

FRANK: She was.

-from The Strike

"Look at you! Look at what you've sunk to! Look at what you've become! Look in the mirror, cause you need help, Jerry. You need help, because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach! I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself. It's eating me up inside!"

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Nose Job

"When you're shopping on Madison Avenue, you don't want to skimp on the swank."

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Secretary

"And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that...it's an amazing way to begin a sentence."

-Jerry Seinfeld, in The Wife

This week's quote is dedicated to my lovely fiancee Michelle. Starting this Sunday, I will be able to start sentences with "my wife" too.

"I�m very close to giving this car, that my celebrity friend is considering, my full endorsement. Oooh, Let�s see if I can get a smile from these femininas.. Hey, Ladies! It�s the Saab 900! What do you think? Can I interest you in a little supplemental restraint?!"

-Cosmo Kramer, in The Dealership

"How would you like it if I just pulled your heart out of your chest right now, and shoved it down your throat?"

-Tom (TV Kramer), in The Pilot (Part 2)