Seinfeld DVD Complete Series Box Set

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Sit Down Comedy

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PostPosted: February 15, 2005 11:41 PM 

Three o' clock in the afternoon is the worst time of the day for me. It's too early for Dayquill and its too early for Nyquill. What can you do? You can mix them together I suppose. You know what that gives you: AfternoonQuill.

I'll always remember Super Bowl 39 as the Super Bowl during which I hit my head on a vent, blacked out, and missed the end of the game, but that's just me.

Next year's gonna be the really big Super Bowl. XL. It's gonna confuse alot of people. "Extra large? But it's always pretty large..."

Dylan is becoming a more and more popular first name. You know what isn't a popular first name? Springsteen. You know what else isn't? Garfunkle. Never caught on I guess. Not a lot of Chinese people named Rusty either, but that's not why you called.

You know the movie "The Color of Money"? Wouldn't it have been easier just to title that movie "Green"? They would have saved money on the marquee, on the ink for the box. That would have been the American title, of course, it would have a different title in foreign countries. The title in Mexico would be Rojo. Actually, I'm not sure what color pesos are.

Not so much a joke as it is an observation. Every Seinfeld character has a Disney equivalent. Seinfeld's Mickey, Elaine's Minnie, George is Donald Duck, and Kramer's obviously Goofy. And Newman is Mickey's rival: Willie, the fat guy.

The nice thing about being Catholic is that one day a year, I can use my forehead as an ashtray, and nobody thinks its strange.

That's it for me, you've been great.


Posts: 5505

Reply: 1

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 7:12 AM 

Jimmy refuses to read the drivel parts... (any of it)

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 2

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 10:41 AM 

Wow...I think you're delirious. All the random thoughts.
You sure you didn't mix meds?
Very Happy


Posts: 428

Reply: 3

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 10:53 AM 

The "Color of Money" bit wasn't bad, but just fyi, "rojo" in Spanish means red... you want "verde" (actually I'd lose that part of the joke altogether)

Denim Vest
Cockeyed Optimist

Posts: 551

Reply: 4

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 12:33 PM 

Typing what you think while shrooming can be hazardous!!!

Bob Sakamano

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Reply: 5

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 12:46 PM 

I'll have what he's having!


Posts: 1

Reply: 6

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 12:58 PM 

hey isnt green in spain, thats his point.

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 7

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 1:48 PM 

A Jewish guy, an African and a Nazi are stuck on an island and they find a genie's lamp. The genie offers to grant each of them 1 wish.

The jewish guy says: "I wish for all my fellow Israelites to have there own land, closed off from the rest of the world, so we may live in peace."
The genie agrees and creates a wall around Israel.
The african says: "I kinda like that idea. I would also like for my fellow Africans to live in peace by themselves in a closed-off area".
The genie again grants his wish by creating a wall around africa.

The Nazi asks the genie: "so let me get this straight, you just gave the Africans and the Jews separate lands so they're closed off from the rest of the world?"
The genie nods his head.
"Ok, i'll just have a Coke."


Posts: 428

Reply: 8

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 1:58 PM 

I see, Pequita, I see... (I guess the joke's on me, then... Wink )

Condo Board President

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Reply: 9

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 2:00 PM 

What the Russian word for gonnorhea? Rotcherkokov.


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Reply: 10

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 2:03 PM 

btw, that's a good one, Cousin Jeffrey... Smile

Bob Sakamano

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Reply: 11

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 2:58 PM 


rofl ....classic!

Bob Sakamano

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Reply: 12

PostPosted: February 16, 2005 11:47 PM 

The dayquil nyquil thing was pretty good.

Condo Board President

Posts: 2988

Reply: 13

PostPosted: February 17, 2005 9:25 AM 

Why doesn't a rooster wear underwear? Because his pecker's on his head.

Wealthy Industrialist

Posts: 473

Reply: 14

PostPosted: February 17, 2005 12:04 PM 

That looks like a dog with a glove on his head.


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Reply: 15

PostPosted: February 17, 2005 5:00 PM 

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish!

Condo Board President

Posts: 2988

Reply: 16

PostPosted: February 17, 2005 5:08 PM 

Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine.

Bob Sakamano

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Reply: 17

PostPosted: February 17, 2005 5:21 PM 

"Ya gotta admire the Chinese ... they've seen the fork, and they're still going with the chopsticks,"

Master of my Domain

Posts: 91

Reply: 18

PostPosted: February 18, 2005 9:15 PM 

Let's make this a regular Friday night thing. Just consider me Monk's warm up act.

Having season 4 of Seinfeld on DVD is the equivalent of me having female sex organs: With it, I'll have no reason to leave my room.

I have the black sheep cousin of the Midas touch: anything I touch turns immediately into a wrinkled mess.

Are you like me? When your first heard about an STD did you think it was a wrestling move?

I have very sweaty hands. They're always damp. For sanitary purposes, I just carry around towlettes. I moisten them myself.

When ever somebody puts their feet on me, I can't help but feel like the elephant man. "I am not an ottoman! I am a human being!"

If we're going to have crap holidays like Valentine's Day, can I at least get the day off?

Speaking of which, I love those boxes of chocolate that come with a key. If life is like a box of chocolates, where do I get one of these for life?

Finding out your subscription to Sports Illustrated expired the week of the Swimsuit Issue is life's equivalent of coconut.

When I was in 5th grade, kids would sing the "Smelly Cat" song, but they would change it to "Smelly Scott" so to make fun of me. I think that's why I've always hated friends. And that show, too.

I was at Blockbuster and I was looking at "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle." It says on the box, "From the director of "Dude Where's my Car?". That's like promoting a new choreographed routine as "From the dance teacher of Elaine Benes"

I hate pringles. Let's make every chip exactly the same, stack them up so that they're orderly and uniform. Ladies and gentlement, that's communism. All in all, you're just another pring in the stack.

Alright, my time's up. I've got to go change the rapture alert level on my church's marquee.


Posts: 5505

Reply: 19

PostPosted: February 18, 2005 11:45 PM 

Don't know what you wrote, or care... but it no doubt sucked again, whatever it was. Give it up.

Master of my Domain

Posts: 91

Reply: 20

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 12:11 AM 

Like Elaine and Jake Jarmel, it was more of a gesture to make the effort to post and tell me it sucked, than had you not said anything at all. You're still crazy about me.

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