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Smell and the City (Part I)

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Cosmo Kramer







PostPosted: March 22, 2008 1:31 PM 

www.vandelay.ca

Ever been super hungry? You’re on amber alert for anything resembling food. The nose is on autopilot picking up scents from a block away. (The human olfactory senses are indeed impressive). The rest of your body naturally follows suit. Your neck cranes awkwardly and your pace quickens as you make your way to the aromatic source. Ah, the oh-so-yummy is only metres away.

Well, what really bothers me is when that source of the oh-so-yummy, isn’t really all that yummy. I don’t even know how to bring this up. It’s a tad shameful and I’m hoping that I’m not alone in this. (Alcoholics have Al-Anon, I need some support here too).

So, into a crowded place you walk. Your nose perks up, and like a bloodhound tracking down a fugitive, you seek out the odour. And yes, much like that dog, your breathing quickens into panting, and your arms flail like a wagging tail. After all, you are starving. “Here boy! Here boy!”, the odour calls out. To your disappointment, however, there is no food. Your disappointment quickly turns into confusion, and even quicker, the confusion into a “WTF!” For you know, you know damn right, that the odour can be only one other thing – yes - the delicious B.O.

The delicious B.O. is really not in fact delicious. It is beyond Beyond-B.O. In my experience the delicious B.O. usually comes from a little man - perhaps a little man in a tank top and a moustache. For the little man does not know any better as he emanates odours of tortilla chips, parmesan cheese and the deadliest of all, my favourite, butter chicken.

As I hold down the puke that has crept up my throat, I can only feel disgust and shame. To be fair, it’s not just disgust at the little man, but mostly disgust with myself. How can I be fooled yet again?

Much like those at Al-Anon, I go through steps. Much simpler and quicker steps mind you, but they are steps…in my mind I recall the emanation yet again, “It’s delicious…but it’s revolting…but it’s delicious”. So for all you little emanating men out there, do me a favour. Shave that moustache, I can’t stand the thought of food and hair!



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