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Mr. Bookman

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PostPosted: March 19, 2004 2:01 PM 

This Seinfeld sound bite has been removed due to a DMCA request from the copyright owners of Seinfeld.

JERRY: Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would you like a cup of tea?
BOOKMAN: You got any coffee?
JERRY: Coffee?
BOOKMAN: Yeah. Coffee.
JERRY: No, I don't drink coffee.
BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?
JERRY: No, I don't have--
BOOKMAN: You don't have any instant coffee?
JERRY: Well, I don't normally--
BOOKMAN: Who doesn't have instant coffee?
JERRY: I don't.
BOOKMAN: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

This Seinfeld sound bite has been removed due to a DMCA request from the copyright owners of Seinfeld.

( Jerry writes out a check for the never-returned Tropic of Cancer and hands it to Bookman)

JERRY: Anyway, I hope there's no hard feelings.
BOOKMAN: Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Y'ever have a man die in your arms? Y'ever kill somebody?
JERRY: What is your problem?
BOOKMAN: What's my problem? Punks like you, that's my problem. And you better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pitbull on a poodle.

Art Vandelay
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 300

Reply: 1



PostPosted: March 19, 2004 2:03 PM 

The Library Read the script of The Library Download the full epiosde video of The Library Discuss The Library

JERRY (after Bookman exits): That is one tough monkey!

Tina
Germaphobe

Posts: 22

Reply: 2



PostPosted: June 21, 2004 1:38 PM 

"Drawing pictures of peepees and weewees..."

That is sooo funny!!

Wallace
Low-Talker

Posts: 1

Reply: 3



PostPosted: August 3, 2006 3:13 PM 

Does anyone have the rest of Bookman's tongue lashing he gave Jerry? He said something like "I know your type...hip to the scene, flaunting convention..."

Uygar Author Profile Page
Low-Talker

Posts: 1

Reply: 4



PostPosted: October 11, 2006 6:15 AM 

JERRY'S APARTMENT

JERRY: Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would

you like a cup of tea?

BOOKMAN: You got any coffee?

JERRY: Coffee?

BOOKMAN: Yeah. Coffee.

JERRY: No, I don't drink coffee.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?

JERRY: No, I don't have--

BOOKMAN: You don't have any instant coffee?

JERRY: Well, I don't normally--

BOOKMAN: Who doesn't have instant coffee?

JERRY: I don't.

BOOKMAN: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you

forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts

forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

JERRY: Really? I'll have to remember that.

BOOKMAN: You took this book out in 1971.

JERRY: Yes, and I returned it in 1971.

BOOKMAN: Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries.

Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman

telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of

his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But

you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public

Library, fella.

JERRY: Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very

specifically.

BOOKMAN: You're a comedian, you make people laugh.

JERRY: I try.

BOOKMAN: You think this is all a big joke, don't you?

JERRY: No, I don't.

BOOKMAN: I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked

it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity

that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?

JERRY: Certainly not.

BOOKMAN: Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp,

the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean

anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot.

Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before:

Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're

thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library

books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without

libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change

the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right

now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees

and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers?

Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue

fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that

kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe

that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and

your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time

is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

door to leave>



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