Seinfeld DVD Complete Series Box Set

Seinfeld Script Search:

The Abstinence

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Stan The Caddy

PostPosted: September 21, 2003 9:25 PM 

gs: Debra Jo Rupp (Katie) Brenda Strong (Sue Ellen) Bob Odenkirk (Ben) Meagen Fay (Mrs. Burns) Tamara Bick (Louise) Alex Trebek (Voice of Himself) Derek Jeter (Himself) Bernie Williams (Himself) Lawrence A. Mandley (Larry the Cook) Fern Fitzgerald (Ms. Wilkie) Noelle Balfour (Waitress) Kyle Gass (Smoker) Judy Kerr (Woman) David Letterman (Himself (uncredited)) Phil Morris (Jackie Chiles)

George's girlfriend has mononucleosis and he can't have sex with her for six weeks. Elaine's met a doctor who's almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high school, first he is bumped and then there is a fire drill. Kramer lights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to leave. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking lounge. Jerry's agent gets him an assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper. Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine. She uses George's technique to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes an idiot. Jerry struggles to figure out how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George uses his new found intellect to give batting advice, speaks Portuguese and prepares a presentation for Jerry's assembly. Kramer sees his lawyer about a case against the tobacco company, smoking has destroyed his looks. He gets a settlement without Jackie's input. George calculates the odds of scoring with a Portuguese waitress. Elaine's boyfriend gets his license and leaves her sexless.

b: 21-Nov-96 pc: 809 w: Steve Koren d: Andy Ackerman

NOTE: When George orders lunch from the Portuguese waitress in Portuguese he orders Elaine an "Ensalade Grande". Which in any language is a "Big Salad", a reference back to that 6th season episode "The Big Salad".


Posts: 809

Reply: 1

PostPosted: January 25, 2004 6:03 AM 

Toward the end of the episode, Louise says to George, "So the hospital called. Turns out some stupid intern screwed up my test." Is this Ben, the same intern who Elaine is dating?

Master of my Domain

Posts: 98

Reply: 2

PostPosted: May 12, 2004 1:07 PM 

I noticed his ordering a Big Salad in Portugese the other day. Little throwbacks like that are great.

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 3

PostPosted: May 19, 2004 1:29 PM 

We won the World Series you know.

In SIX games....

lovin' every minute of it
Magnificent Bastard

Posts: 2065

Reply: 4

PostPosted: May 20, 2004 8:16 AM 

My favorite line from this ep:

George: Take me to your leader (as he holds 2 test tubes up to his head). Smile

Cosmo 87
Rabid Anti-Dentite

Posts: 266

Reply: 5

PostPosted: May 23, 2004 4:41 PM 

Kramer: Look away, I'm hideous! Perhaps my favorite lines Kramer ever said.

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 6

PostPosted: August 9, 2004 2:37 PM 

George to Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, V, in relation to the trajectory, T, in which G, gravity, of course remains a constant. (Then hits a baseball out of the park.) It's not complicated

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 7

PostPosted: August 9, 2004 2:38 PM 

Kramer: My face is all craggly, it's crinkly.

Jerry: It's from all that smoke. You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours. What did you expect?

Kramer: Emphysema, birth defects, cancer. But not this.

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 8

PostPosted: August 9, 2004 2:41 PM 

This episode has so many goods lines...

Kramer: So Jackie, do you think we gotta case?

Jackie: Your face is my case.

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 9

PostPosted: August 9, 2004 3:23 PM 

Rugged masculinity? The man's a goblin...2 more weeks and he'll be nothing but a shrunken head.


Posts: 2

Reply: 10

PostPosted: October 5, 2004 6:52 PM 

actually 'salad' in portuguese is not 'enasalade' but 'salada'...


Posts: 3

Reply: 11

PostPosted: October 19, 2004 5:12 PM 

My favourite scene in this episode is where Elaine is watching the spinning tyres. The expression on her face is a hoot!

Son of Dad

Posts: 1410

Reply: 12

PostPosted: December 29, 2005 5:48 AM 

It's not that difficult to work the phrase, "The man's a goblin," into your everyday conversation. Until people stop talking to you, of course.


Posts: 1

Reply: 13

PostPosted: September 9, 2007 9:11 PM 

That's an awfull portuguese.
Coffee is "cafe", not kafee, or something like that, as George said.

And salad is "salada" as told before.

That line looks more German than Portuguese.

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Copyright ©2003, Mark Carey.