Seinfeld DVD Complete Series Box Set

Seinfeld Script Search:

The Most Classic Lies or Excuses

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PostPosted: March 18, 2005 2:14 PM 

Post your favorite lie used by a character from Seinfeld or the most hilarious or ridiculous excuse that they used. Excuses can also include the cause for the endless relationship enders.

My all time favorite is both an excuse and lie. When George was trying to get his parents attention by calling constantly on the phone this classic instance happened.

George: (rambling on and on reading off of pre-written things to talk about)
Estelle: (interrupts knocking on table)
"Chineeesee Foood.."
Frank: Sorry George can't talk now our chinese food is here.

That "chinese food" voice she used has me on the floor everytime.

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 1

PostPosted: March 18, 2005 2:36 PM 

not my all time fav but a goodie:

"because the cold...and the chewing warms me up."

Wealthy Industrialist

Posts: 473

Reply: 2

PostPosted: March 18, 2005 2:50 PM 

I told I had a bus transfer that was only good just for another hour.

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 3

PostPosted: March 18, 2005 2:55 PM 

i have a feeling that most of these are going to be Georgie's

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 4

PostPosted: March 18, 2005 5:44 PM 

the whole scene from The Fire:

What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right?

Judge Vandelay

Posts: 78

Reply: 5

PostPosted: March 18, 2005 6:29 PM 

That damn delicatessen! That's the last time they'll mess up one of my orders!

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 6

PostPosted: March 19, 2005 6:09 AM 

"My ankles swell up, and I can't dance"

Assistant to the Traveling Secretary

Posts: 135

Reply: 7

PostPosted: March 20, 2005 3:30 PM 

"Well, sir, I - I gave out the fake card, because, um, I don't really celebrate Christmas. I, um, I celebrate Festivus."

KRUGER: Vemonous?

"Festivus, Sir. And, uh, I was afraid that I would be persecuted for my beliefs. They drove my family out of Bayside, Sir!"


Posts: 5505

Reply: 8

PostPosted: March 20, 2005 4:12 PM 

Kruger says "Feminist"

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 9

PostPosted: March 20, 2005 5:31 PM 

well, I know the bit that didn't make me laugh... you know what im talking about...the bit where Seinfield runs over a black guy and his excuse is "well he was probably only going to steal something"


Posts: 809

Reply: 10

PostPosted: March 20, 2005 7:32 PM 

Kristin: The card... (picking it up out of the garbage bin)... Is this it in the trash?

Jerry: No...

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 11

PostPosted: March 20, 2005 7:34 PM 

Oh...that...we had to take that out...because the water....was making the room cold.

Bubble Boy

Posts: 360

Reply: 12

PostPosted: March 21, 2005 1:02 PM 

matches..... long matches.

Condo Board President

Posts: 2988

Reply: 13

PostPosted: March 21, 2005 1:08 PM 

You think Louis Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows... She was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot in each hand... because there was a lot of cake lying around the house... She didn't know about pasteurization, he didn't know about fumigation, but they made it work!

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 14

PostPosted: March 21, 2005 2:50 PM 

Jiffy Park Guy refusing to give George his car

Jiffy Park Owner: We ask that you please bear with us.

George: BEAR WITH YOU??!!

Bob Sakamano

Posts: no

Reply: 15

PostPosted: March 21, 2005 5:40 PM 

George: "I was in the pool!!!!"
Elaine: "It shrinks?"
George: "Like a frightened turtle!"

Denim Vest

Posts: 2

Reply: 16

PostPosted: March 21, 2005 9:09 PM 

I just rented a house in the Hamptons and I've got to get out there to sign the papers.

Classic George


Posts: 5505

Reply: 17

PostPosted: March 21, 2005 10:13 PM 

(after George chews out man for double parking, and man says it's not even his car...)

GEORGE: I wasn't talking to YOU!

Bubble Boy

Posts: 360

Reply: 18

PostPosted: March 22, 2005 12:46 PM 

Elaine you don't understand. I had temperature when I bought that sweater. I was so dizzy I was seeing red dots everywhere. I thought that everything in the store had a red dot on it. I couldn't distinguish one red dot from another.

The Northstar System

Posts: 3

Reply: 19

PostPosted: March 25, 2005 5:08 AM 

George: "I just...leased a the Hamptons, and I've really got to get out there and sign the paperwork."


Posts: 2

Reply: 20

PostPosted: March 26, 2005 8:07 AM 

Boss: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

George: Who said that?

Boss: She did.

George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ingnorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frouned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you peope do that all the time.

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