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J. Chiles

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:26 PM 

Oh, they’s been some bad blood and fightin’ words here lately, so what better time for a damn No-Holds Barred Cage Match Tournament. No complicated rules. Just pick yer best bet for the winners in each of the matchups below. Most votes moves to the next round. Just the name of your conqueror is fine, but if ya wansta leave reasons, go for it! Voting will commence starting….now…and continue till we either get sufficient response, or so little response that we call the whole thing off. This tournament features some real heavy-weights, but among fictional characters only (no Keith Hernandez-types). And, I’ve purposely omitted Crazy Joe for fear he’d mass-murder the entire field. If this works, we’ll later do an “over-fifty” version – Morty vs. Klompus, Izzy vs. Bookman, etc!! Have fun. But, please, as always, no wagering! Wink

1) Jerry vs.Gary Fogel
2) George vs. Lloyd Braun
3) Kramer vs. Marcelino (The Cockfighter)
4) Newman vs. Jean-Paul Jean-Paul
5) Bookie (He’s a man) vs. Charlie (He’s a man, too)
6) Tim Whatley vs. Kenny Banya
7) Mickey vs. Slippery Pete
Cool Bob (Street Tough) vs. Cedric (Street Tough)
9) Jimmy vs. Antonio (Bus Boy)
10) Jackie Chiles vs. J Peterman
11) Ron (Used Record Store Owner) vs. Eric the Clown
12) Ping vs. Babu Bhatt
13) Anatolyi (The Illegal Cable Installer) vs. Puddy
14) Franklin Delano Romanowski vs. Maroon Golf
15) Rudy (The Used Apparel Haberdasher) vs. Soup Nazi (Yem Kasev)
16) Carl (The Exterminator) vs. Tom Pepper (the Pilot Kramer)

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 1

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:36 PM 

Oooops, I see where typing 8 and then ) comes up as Cool .

Hey, if this works and the ”over-fifty” clash flies, we could really titillate ourselves and go for a c-c-c-cat fight!

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 2

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:40 PM 

1) Jerry. Anyone who lies about cancer to get a toupet is probably a big coward.

2)George. He'll fight dirty. groin stuff.

3)Marcelino. I have a feeling he knows some bad dudes. Plus he's got a dog with glove on his head.

4)Newman. Pure evil.

5)not much of a match, but i'll take Charlie. He looks a little unbalanced.

6)Kenny Bania. He's been working out. He's huge.

7)Slippery Pete. No matter how you think of it, he's fighting a midget.

Cool i'll take Bob. can't give a reason though

9)This one's a good matchup. But i give the edge to Antonio. Ever notice how far out he puts his chest when listening to George in his apartment? He's just lookin' for a fight.

10)Jackie Chiles. He'd argue his way to a win.

11)Ron. He took on two guys at once.

12)Babu Bhatt in a landslide. Chinamen can't fight. Plus Babu is mad. He's like the Tiger Jeet Singh of Seinfeld.

13)Puddy. Physically, he can kick anyone's ass.


15)Soup Nazi. But this was a close one.

16)Carl the exterminator. one of George's few black friends. Tom Pepper is one of George's many white enemies. Carl wins.


Posts: 2

Reply: 3

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:41 PM 

Now you're talkin'...Ok, gotta study some video. I got a cockfight to prepare for.

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 4

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:43 PM 

Just for the record, and I know CJ was jesting, Chinamen CAN fight. Just a note to head off any further stops,,,here! Smile Wink

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 5

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:46 PM's "Asian Americans".....

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 6

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 1:50 PM 

...alright, it stops...there! Confused Embarassed

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 7

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 2:00 PM 

I was quoting Elaine....blame her.

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 8

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 2:05 PM 

We...we must go forward, not back. On with the insanity!

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 9

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 2:37 PM 

Ok, here goes...I have the attention span of a snail (whatever that means, it just sounded good), so I hope I can get through all 16:

1)Jerry...for the same reason Cuz mentioned.

2)It depends which Lloyd Braun...the first one was a lot taller, the second one looked like you could breathe on him and knock him over...If i can call it a draw, that's my vote...If i have to choose, I'll have to still go with George, but my first vote would be a draw, if that's acceptable.

3)I'll gotta give it to the K man...He's very lithe, has spectacular buttocks which would imply to me he works out (where, I have idea), and he DID take Ka-ra-te.

4)Jean-Paul...The man's a marathon runner. All he'd have to do is get on his "bike", circle around him a few times, and Newman would be gasping for air.

5)I can't remember who's who, so I'll say that the guy with the shorter hair would beat the guy with the longer hair...Long-haired dude looks pretty burnt out.

6)Banya. He works out for real. Watley does more of a "Jewish" workout. Besides, he doesn't look like he's want to mess his hair. Banya looks like he can get pretty intense if he's pissed off.

7)Mickey. He doesn't back down from anyone and he's got a low centre of gravity.

Cool Bob. He's the dominant one.

9)Jimmy all the way. The busboy flaring out his chest and rolling up his sleeves is pretty pathetic. He doesn't have a muscle to show for it, and he actually looks rather stupid trying to look tough. Jimmy holds grudges and ain't scared of sh*t. Plus Jimmy's always got new moves.

10) Jackie. No contest. He looks tough. J.P. is too much of a pseudo-intellectual and I have a feeling he's all talk, no action.

11) hmmm...The clown's a big dude. But Ron was ready to take on Kramer and Newman, both bigger than him. It would be close, but assuming weapons aren't allowed (like the Big Shoe), I give it Ron.

12) Without subscribing to the sterotype that all Oriental people know martial arts, I give it to Babu. I've seen him mad and he was ready to kill. When Ping got mad, he went running to his cousin, the lawyer.

13) Another good match-up. I give it to Puddy. Just a hunch.

14) Maroon. Anyone who isn't scared to piss off a car full of people he knows nothing about in New York City must know something we don't.

15)Soup Nazi. He's just f**king nuts.

16) Obvious. Tom Pepper would rip his heart out, etc....

Whooh, can't believe I got through all that.

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 10

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 3:14 PM 

1) Gary Fogel. Gary uses his piece to blind Jerry and stabs him with his comb, Jack!
2) George. Hardly a feat of strength display, but after years of pent-up resentment, George prevails, just to spite Estelle.
3) Marcelino (The Cockfighter). C’mon, Kramer can’t whip a pack of 12-year olds and the REAL Marcelino turns out to be a ringer from Uruguay.
4) Newman. A late-starting tilt when JP oversleeps, Newman displays pure evil from his extensive dog-baiting experience and JP is little match.
5) Charlie (He’s a man, too). Too dumb to feel pain.
6) Tim Whatley. Whatley sneaks that gas mask into the bout.
7) Mickey. Pete tries to steal Mickey’s trunks, but Mickey beats him with his lifts and takes all his quarters.
Cedric (Street Tough) Proving he is the pitcher, not the catcher, after all.
9) Jimmy. Long time in settling this one but Jimmy’s grudge-holding ultimately wins out over a guy with a Kitty.
10) J Peterman. Jackie’s ahead on legal brief points the whole way, but J uses the Ubangi Uppercut to devastating effect when Jackie be winkin’ at Sidra.
11) Ron (Used Record Store Owner) Eric wields a mean shoe but Ron says, “that’s his problem”.
12) Babu Bhatt. Babu employs the steaming hot hand towel trick and it is over quickly. Ping threatens litigation, so this one may not be over.
13) Anatolyi (The Illegal Cable Installer). Strangles Puddy with a length of coax, then eats from Puddy’s Arby sack.
14) Franklin Delano Romanowski. FDR deals with Hot Dogs all day long and crushes this wiener like a Dr. Pepper can.
15) Rudy (The Used Apparel Haberdasher) In a huge upset, Rudy takes a falls after sipping from a suspect ring-side water bottle. Ironically, it seems Yev checked out a recipe from Uncle Goebbels which included moth cake-ade.
16) Tom Pepper (the Pilot Kramer) Pepper feasts on linebackah hearts!


Posts: 5505

Reply: 11

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 3:21 PM 

01. Jerry. Gary's a wuss
02. George. He puts up with enough crap in this city, He's not putting up with Lloyd Braun.
03. Kramer. You don't want to get on his bad side.
04. Jean-Paul. Newman couldn't beat anyone.
05. Charlie.
06. Banya.
07. Mickey.
08. Bob.
09. Jimmy. Jimmy doesn't like misunderstandings.
10. Jackie Chiles. He's outrageous.
11. Ron. You don't like it, too bad!
12. Babu Bhatt.
13. Puddy. Don't boss him!
14. FDR. The only thing he has to fear, is fear, itself.
15. Soup Nazi. He demands perfection from himself.
16. Carl.

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 12

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 3:33 PM 

Jackie, it might take you a long time to tally up the results with all the commentary. So maybe people can summarize their choices at the bottom of their posts. It might make your job easier at the end.

In case it helps, here's my summary:

1) Jerry
2) George (First choice is a draw)
3) Kramer
4) Jean-Paul Jean-Paul
5) Long haired dude
6) Banya
7) Mickey
8 )Bob
9) Jimmy
10) Jackie
11) Ron
12) Babu
13) Puddy
14) Maroon
15) Yem
16) Pepper

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 13

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 3:36 PM 

Bwahahaha. Some great ones, so far, keep 'em coming. Especially ROFLOing at CJ's #16, Gendison #14 and Jimmy's #11.

J. Chiles

Posts: 5139

Reply: 14

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 3:40 PM 

Naw, I can keep tally, but thanks. It's all..."pop"...locked up here.

BTW, recalh that these are NO HOLDS-BARRED CAGE MATCH, not your girly-man boxing mathces.

Let the aggravated assault resume.

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 15

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 3:56 PM 

By the way, I have to say I'm a little miffed that I (Steve Gendison) am not on that list. I mean, I killed a dry cleaner, for God's sakes. On the other hand, I'm probably in jail right now, so I probably wouldn't be able to attend.

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 16

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 4:01 PM 

Fictional characters only.

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 17

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 4:01 PM 

Come to think of it, I never really showed up as a character, only talked about and then seen briefly in the Bronco for a few seconds, so it would be hard for people to really get a read on me.......carry on...sorry.

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 18

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 4:03 PM 

Unless I'm missing something, he (I) was a fictional character. Was there a real bll player named Gendison??? And was the actor really the dude??? I had no idea.


Posts: 5505

Reply: 19

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 4:18 PM 

Why can't you just be?

Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 20

PostPosted: May 14, 2005 4:20 PM 

I've tried, I've tried...I've tried to play it straight...No, Jimmy, for me, SICK is the only way to go.
But I still believe that Gendison IS a fictional character.

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