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The (Seinfeld) Contender - Final Rounds

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J. Chiles







PostPosted: May 23, 2005 9:50 PM 

Here we go. Final Rounds. Pick yer winners in the semi-finals between the combatants in these matches:

1) FDR (Wiener Vendor) v. Ron (Used Record Vendor)
2) Puddy (Face Painter) v. Marcelino (Cockfighter)

THEN, and I cannot emphasize this enough, pick yer victor between the winners you’ve picked in the semi-finals. So, no long drawn-out affairs, no call-in voting, no yearning. We’re cutting straight to the chase, here. Pick em! And, no crying allowed! Smile

Gack
Wigmaster

Posts: 809

Reply: 1



PostPosted: May 23, 2005 10:15 PM 


I have no juice, whatsoever.

1. Ron
2. Puddy

You winner, and inaugural STC Heavyweight Champion..... David Puddy.

cousin jeffrey
Vile Weed

Posts: 1714

Reply: 2



PostPosted: May 23, 2005 10:20 PM 

Puddy Vs. FDR

The irresistable force Vs. the Immovable Object. Very much like Wrestlemania III. FDR dominates for most of the match. But just when it looks like it's all over, Puddy gets his second wind. With those powerful blows to the head, Puddy backs FDR into the corner. As FDR tries to shake the cobwebs, Puddy goes with the unthinkable. The BODYSLAM! The crowd is in pandemonium! The Big Leg-Drop. ONE, TWO, THREE! Out comes the Fink to make the official announcement. And NEEEWWWWW world heavyweight champion....PUDDY!!

Jimmy


Posts: 5505

Reply: 3



PostPosted: May 23, 2005 10:55 PM 

1. Ron
2. Puddy

Champion: Puddy

Hey Gack, did you leave that drink next to Jeffrey on purpose?

Marcelino
Wealthy Industrialist

Posts: 473

Reply: 4



PostPosted: May 24, 2005 1:34 PM 

Looks like the glove is on the other head now... Puddy overthrows Marcelino.

FDR teaches Ron something about foul and unpleasant odours, all the while belting out My Mammy.

Puddy, assuming Devils-psycho-fan intensity, takes the crown.

Gendison
Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 5



PostPosted: May 24, 2005 1:40 PM 

Yep...Ron vs. Puddy.

Puddy!!! Puddy!!! Puddy!!!

Jimmy


Posts: 5505

Reply: 6



PostPosted: May 24, 2005 7:06 PM 

Yeah that's right.

J. Chiles


Posts: 5139

Reply: 7



PostPosted: May 24, 2005 7:39 PM 

Well, the voting seems academic at this point. I'll vote for Ron cause I think he'd tear any of the other three a new one. But, this all turns out to be rather a joke. And you know who likes jokes? David Puddy

Ramon
Bubble Boy

Posts: 360

Reply: 8



PostPosted: May 25, 2005 12:49 PM 

boys boys boys!

1) It's a cold evening in the streets of Manhattan. A baby cries in the distance. Maybe a bastard child. The lights dim in the arena. ACDC's Thunderstruck begins to boom through the PA. FDR is suddenly depicted on a larger than life big screen sporting an electric-blue face mask, matching cape, and a silver body suit with an embroidered hot dog crest on his chest. He holds his mini cooler triumphantly overhead with one hand, and points to the ring with the other. He marches in time with the bass drum to the ring, puts the cooler in the corner, then climbs up on the corner ropes and assumes a Lou Forigno crab-flex pose while a thousand camera flash bulbs explode.

The lights and music are suddenly and simultaneously extinguished.

It's time for Ron-Ron. The audience begins to cheer their hero. "RON-RON! RON-RON! "

Dire Straights Money for Nothing lead riff screams out of the speakers and a flood of lights illuminate the crowd as Ron sprints toward the cage.

You can cut the tension with a vinyl LP.

FDR, not waiting for the formality of a bell, leaps from the ropes, high into the air, and lands directly on top of RON-RON. His legs broken, Ron-Ron can do little more than give FDR a receipt for a well timed ass whooping. FDR, un-moved by the gesture, removes RON-RON's liver, puts it in his cooler, and marches back to his dressing room. "PUDDY OR MARCELINO!" he cries. "IT"S ALL THE SAME TO ME! MY BIRTHDAY WISH IS FOR BOTH OF THEM TO DROP DEAD! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

2) The fight takes place in Equador. The temperature is hot hot hot. Not surprisingly, Puddy;s face paint is smeared and dripping from the heat. Marcelino, prepared for the climate, is himself wearing a giant glove on his own head with a 'clowns-with-balloons' check now tattooed on his arm below his 'i love cocks' tattoo.

the fans cry for blood, and blood they shall have. HEADS UP! The cage drops around the ring, and Puddy hurls a Jesus Fish Ninja star the plunges deep into Marclino's right thigh! without hesitation, marcelino rushes puddy with his remaining strenth holding twin bannacca spray cans in his hands, and 'freshen's' puddy's face! but the cool grease monkey closed his eyes in time, and marcelino is out of policies. puddy trips, then cross checks, and finaly draws a checking-from-behind-penalty which induces an orgasm that leaves marcelino a cripple.

Puddy high fives the cameraman, and advances to the finals~!

Bookman
Condo Board President

Posts: 2988

Reply: 9



PostPosted: May 25, 2005 1:03 PM 

Ramon: Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?

Gendison
Bad Breaker Upper

Posts: 3306

Reply: 10



PostPosted: May 25, 2005 2:33 PM 

Bookman, you magnificent bastard!!!

J. Chiles


Posts: 5139

Reply: 11



PostPosted: May 25, 2005 2:41 PM 

Anyone who takes their time and sticks their neck out on the old chopping block in an attempt instigate laughter (Cougar excepted) is alright in my book, Ramon (realizing that few have read my book).

However, the tourney is OVAH! Puddy has been declared the Winnah by acclamation.

QueenOfTheCastle
Sidler

Posts: 151

Reply: 12



PostPosted: May 25, 2005 4:03 PM 

You're all winners!!

J. Chiles


Posts: 5139

Reply: 13



PostPosted: May 25, 2005 4:06 PM 

And, suddenly, another contender emerges.



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