SEINFELD BLOG

A punch, a kick, even a slap on the face. But a headbutt?!? He looked like a goat.

I'm glad the Italians won, because nobody can throw a party like the Italians. There was bumper-to-bumper traffic in suburbs of montreal!!

That was the stupidest and most selfish thing I've seen in a long time. I know too many Italians for this to be a good thing. This is all I'm going to hear about for the next 2 years. Even when they lost in the shootout in the final back in '98 or whatever, Italians were claiming they didn't lose because it goes in the books as a tie.

JAPANESE PERSON 1: これのうちのどれか次か? (Are you following any of this?)

JAPANESE PERSON 2: 私はまだそれらが私達にオレンジの袋をなぜ与えたか把握することを試みている!! (I'm still trying to figure out why they gave us a bag of oranges)

Exactly.

I'm still trying to figure out why the French did not surrender before the match started and why the Italians didn't install a facist to create new rules. Oh, it must be because there weren't many Frenchies or Italianos on the those teams.

Yeah yeah...

It was the only game I watched. I don't really watch soccer...you know...because it's stupid. But at least the one good thing is that I finally saw a soccer player actually going down over a real injury. Still grabbed his leg, though.

OK, aside from the ethnic joking (I’m Irish, think of a Mick joke and feel free to toss me into the mix – just to get even, just to get even), is there a wimpier sport? I mean, c’mon, this World Cup crap has been forced down our throats for a month. Bigger than the Super Bowl, World Series, NBA Finals, all rolled into one? OK, if it is so big, how can anything of this magnitude be settled by FREAKING SHOOTOUT KICKS?!!!! Fer crissakes, it is like having the Yankees and Cardinals in the World Series. They are tied three games each and tied in extra innings of game seven. After, say, 15 innings, they halt play and line up A-Rod, Sheffield, and Giambi on one side, and Pujols, Edmonds, and Rolen on the other. Then, whoever gets the rings is decided by seeing how many balls they can knock over the fence off a batting tee.

The diving is actually comical. I love a good dive.

Just like ridiculous bench-clearing brawls in a non-violent sport like baseball is "a part of the game", diving is part of the game in soccer.

I know a lot of italians, and they were out in full force last night. and the ladies...oooh, the ladies.

...oooh, the ladies.

Whom you cannot tell apart from the players.

Is that because the players have long hair or the laides have sideburns? Probably both.

Deciding it on penalty kicks makes it lose any credibility it didn't have in the first place. And a soccer penalty kick is based on luck more than any other play in sports. Governments fall and players get shot all because one team's goalie happened to close his eyes and dive in the right direction one time more than the other guy.

It's a farce. They're bunko artists.

JIMMY: Jackie, what percentage of people would you say watch soccer?
J. CHILES: One percent.
JIMMY: No way, it's like 0.05 to 0.25 percent.

J. Chiles: .25%? So why is everybody celebrating?

Mookie: Alcohol.

I'm going to bone-up on football by watching "Footballers' Wives" on BBC America. Of course, if there's no female nudity...

An article said it was learned the Italian player had called the Frenchman a terrorist. A French terrorist? What did he do, purposely burn the croissants?

He's Algerian (Hence, the whole "there are no real frenchman on the team" thing), if that makes any difference.

These guys are pro athletes. They're insulting each other's mothers all the time. He just couldn't take the pressure.

I think they read his lips in slow motion and he was saying: "Hey Z, the jerk store called...they are running out of you"

Hey Z?

I'd lose that.