Seinfeld Quotes

Quote from a recent AP article on Seinfeld: Perhaps inevitably, the foursome is further removed from “Seinfeld” than many fans. Richards, 56, says he never says “Giddy up!” — “not even when I’m on a horse.”

"This woman hates me so much. I'm starting to like her." -George Louis Costanza, in The Masseuse

ELAINE: Oh boy. There's Sue Ellen. She didn't want me at this wedding, but here I am with a bunch of my idiot friends! JERRY: This is gonna be great! -in The Betrayal Just 4 more days until Seinfeld in released on DVD.  Order

JERRY: Vandelay. Wait a second. Mr. Pennypacker, if you're here, and Mr. Vandelay is also here, then who's watching the factory? KRAMER: The factory? JERRY: The Saab factory? KRAMER: Jerry, that's in Sweden. -in The Puerto Rican Day

George: Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery! Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out

"My neck is one gargantuan monkey fist." -J Peterman, in The Foundation

Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the ying-yang! -George Louis Costanza, in The Seven

You know, I think I could have played with dolls if their were dolls in the house. It seems like fun to me. It doesn't seem like a gender thing. I think I would like to play with dolls. What's so terrible? -George Louis

SALES WOMAN: Did the broker send you over? KRAMER: Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my,

Jerry: Why do they want you to fire Raquel Welch? Kramer: Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on peoples

"Oh, yeah? So what am I supposed to do, be more like you? All sealed up in here, emotionally unavailable, paying scrub women for sexual favors! No! Jerry, I won't be like you! Never! I'll never be like you!" -Kramer, in The Maid

JERRY: Vomitting is not a deal breaker. If Hitler had vomitted on Chamberlain, Chamberlain still would have given him Czechoslovakia. GEORGE: Chamberlain...you could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe. -in The Pitch (Part 1)

"Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That's how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed, that's disturbed! You can't find sickness like that anywhere.

Kramer: Jerry, George got arrested. Jerry: What? Kramer: Yeah. He went at the Beatman, he tried to land, but they cheesed him. Jerry: Oh now I see. -in The Little Kicks

FRANK: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had - but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way! KRAMER: What happened

"Look at you! Look at what you've sunk to! Look at what you've become! Look in the mirror, cause you need help, Jerry. You need help, because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach! I can't stand around here

"When you're shopping on Madison Avenue, you don't want to skimp on the swank." -Cosmo Kramer, in The Secretary

"And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that.

"I�m very close to giving this car, that my celebrity friend is considering, my full endorsement. Oooh, Let�s see if I can get a smile from these femininas..  Hey, Ladies!  It�s the Saab 900! What do you think? Can I interest

"How would you like it if I just pulled your heart out of your chest right now, and shoved it down your throat?" -Tom (TV Kramer), in The Pilot (Part 2)

"She thinks a guy who lies about a life-threatening illness, so he can get some phony hair, has perspective?" Jerry, in The Scofflaw

"You think people will still be using napkins in the year two-thousand? Or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?" -Cosmo Kramer, in The Millennium

"Hey, you know what I think it is? I think it's that East River. I think it might be polluted." -Cosmo Kramer, in The Nap

"What the hell is a velvet fog?" -Jerry, in The Jimmy

"That is damn good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmmmm, boy that Hennigans goes down smooth. And afterwords you don't even smell. That's right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk