Seinfeld Sounds

JERRY: (sits next to Sidra on the couch) So, where were we? SIDRA: I was just leaving. JERRY: Right, you were leaving. SIDRA: I can't believe you sent a woman into the sauna to do that! JERRY: That was an accident! SIDRA: I think

JERRY: Uncle Leo, I saw you steal. LEO: Oh, they don't care. We all do it. JERRY: Who, criminals? LEO: Senior citizens. No big deal. JERRY: You could get arrested. LEO: Arrested? Come on!  "I'm an old man. I'm confused! I thought I paid

JERRY: What is this? KRAMER: We're making sausages. (Jerry stops the tape.) JERRY: I thought you were gonna watch a video. KRAMER: Yeah, an instructional video about how to make your own sausages....

[Kramer sees Puddy's painted face] KRAMER: Yeah, that's cool. Well, you gotta support your team. PUDDY: Ok, ready to go? KRAMER: Yeah. PUDDY: LET'S GET IT ON!!! Alright!! Go Devils!! Go Devils!! Let's go Devils!! ELAINE: Do you believe in god? PUDDY: Yes. ELAINE:

[Mr. Kruger and George are burning the midnight oil. George is working, Mr. Kruger is bouncing a ball against the wall and catching it. George is percolating.] GEORGE: Would you *mind* helping me out with some of this stuff?!!! KRUGER: You seem like you've

JERRY: Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would you like a cup of tea? BOOKMAN: You got any coffee? JERRY: Coffee? BOOKMAN: Yeah. Coffee. JERRY: No, I don't drink coffee. BOOKMAN: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How

(Kramer lights a cigar with a sparkler.) KRAMER: Come on, man. You need to lighten up. You know, a feeling like this only happens once a year. (He tosses the sparkler into the back seat of Jerry's car where it lands on the Puerto

BANIA: (reading) Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it round tine. That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

BABU: You had my Visa application?! JERRY: Well not technically. BABU: I kill you!! JERRY: Well what about her? BABU: I kill both of you!! JERRY: Babu?! BABU: No Babu! No Babu! You bad man! You very bad man! You very lazy bad man!

JACKIE: That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable. JACKIE: O'Henry?  That's one of our top-selling candy bars.  It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat, it's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding! JACKIE: It's an infringement on your constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous. JACKIE: this trial is outrageous! JACKIE: That's totally inappropriate.

IZZY: How 'bout that, huh? The World's Greatest Dad. My son made it for me. JERRY: That's very nice. IZZY: The best in the world. (pointing to himself) Which means I'm better than just number one. JERRY: Well, I don't know how official any

SOUP NAZI: Go on! Leave! Get out! Next! SOUP NAZI: Hey, what is this? You're kissing in my line? Nobody kisses in my line! SOUP NAZI: No soup for you! Come back one year! Next! SOUP NAZI: You are the only one who understands

GEORGE: Listen to this. Marcy comes up and she tells me her ex-boyfriend was over late last night, and "yada yada yada, I'm really tired today." You don't think she yada yada'd sex. ELAINE: (Raising hand) I've yada yada'd sex. GEORGE: Really? ELAINE: Yeah.

ELAINE: Do it like this. "These pretzels are making me thirsty." JERRY: No. "These pretzels are making me thirsty." KRAMER: No, no. See, that's no good. See, you don't know how to act. GEORGE: "These pretzels are making me thirsty!!"

JERRY: I don't understand, I made a reservation, do you have my reservation? RENTAL CAR AGENT: Yes, we do, unfortunately we ran out of cars. JERRY: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation. RENTAL CAR AGENT: I know

WOMAN: You don't know my name, do you? JERRY: Yes I do. WOMAN: What is it? JERRY: It-it rhymes with a female body part. WOMAN: What is it? JERRY: Mulva... (She turns and grabs her purse, playbill and coat and leaves the apartment. Jerry

JERRY: Hey, Elaine, have you noticed your boyfriend has developed an annoying little habit? ELAINE: The squinting? JERRY: No. ELAINE: The staring? JERRY: No. He keeps asking me to give him a high-five. ELAINE: I thought all guys do that. JERRY: Slapping hands is

[At Jerry's, JERRY and KRAMER eating breakfast. KRAMER's tired, preoccupied with the paper, JERRY's in a blue robe eating cereal and orange juice.] JERRY: So, uh. Gillian's comin' over later. I think I'm gonna end it. KRAMER: Uh-huh. JERRY: Those meaty paws, I feel

JERRY: Hold it, Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce. NEWMAN: I love broccoli, its good for you. JERRY: Really? Then maybe you'd like to have a piece? (Jerry opens container. Newman takes a piece) NEWMAN: Gladly. (Newman

hoochie mamaaa, hoochie mammaaaaa.... ....you wanna piece of me, you got iiiiiitt!!! FRANK: In a car, with my wife. He (Kramer) stopped short. You think I don't know what that's about? That's my old move! I used it on Estelle forty years ago! I

[Helen and Morty, packing up in Uncle Leo's apartment.] MORTY: I'm sorry Leo's moving back here. I'm not ready to go back to Florida. HELEN: He was getting along so well with that woman, what happened? (Morty shrugs, the phone rings, Morty answers.) MORTY:

[The Costanza house, Queens] (Steinbrenner is knocking, Estelle opens the door) STEINBRENNER: Mrs. Costanza? ESTELLE: Yesss? STEINBRENNER: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad new about your son. ESTELLE : I can't believe it, he was so young.  How could

(      KRAMER: Hey, I saw DiMaggio in the donut shop again. JERRY: Uh huh. KRAMER: Yeah. ELAINE: Joe DiMaggio? KRAMER: Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him and I really watched him. I studied, his every move.

KRAMER: Say you got a big job interview, and you're a little nervous. Well throw back a couple shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it's odorless, why, it will be

KRAMER: I stopped to look at the monkeys, when all of a sudden I am hit in the face with a banana peel. I turn and look and there is this monkey really laughing it up. Then someone tells me that he did it.