Transcribed by 13erla of [ http://www.seinology.com/ ]Seinology.com.
Episode 82 - The Raincoats (Part 1)
pc: 519, season 5, episode 18
Broadcast date: April 28 1994
NOTE: Originally broadcast as part of a 60 min episode.
Part 1 Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross and Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld
Part 1 Written by Larry Charles
Both Directed by Tom Cherones
Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld
Jason Alexander .................. George Costanza
Julia Louis-Dreyfus ............. Elaine Benes
Michael Richards ................. Cosmo Kramer
Michael G. Hagerty ........... Rudy
Dorien Wilson ..................... Alec
Annie Korzen ..................... Doris Klompus
Stephen Pearlman .............. Mr. Goldstein
Judge Reinhold .................. Aaron
Lisa Pescia .......................... Joanne
Jason Manary ................... Joey
LaRita Shelby ................... Tour Leader
Melanie Smith .................... Rachel
rc: Jerry Stiller .................... Frank Costanza
rc: Estelle Harris ................ Estelle Costanza
rc: Barney Martin .............. Morty Seinfeld
rc: Liz Sheridan ................. Helen Seinfeld
rc: Sandy Baron ................ Jack Klompus
I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills. Conversational Distance, don't you hate these people that talk to you they talk into your mouth like you're a clown at a drive-through and Hand shakes is the worst, there's absolutly no guidelines for hand shakes you know these people? Too long, too weak, sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake just the fingers, early release, late release, sometimes people will dispute your release, you let go there're hangin' on. I have actually said to people 'Hey the handshake is over!.' Too many pumps, coming in too high, too sweaty, coming from too far away. Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too close conversation. To him I say 'That's three strikes you're out.'
(George and Jerry at the usual booth)
JERRY: You know their timing couldn't be worse.
GEORGE: Is there ever a good time to have your parents stay with you?
JERRY: You don't understand, I haven't been together with Rachel for like three weeks. First I was on the road, then my parents show up, I'm getting a little uh backed up.
GEORGE: When are they leaving for Paris?
JERRY: Not for another three days.
GEORGE: What about her place?
JERRY: She lives with her parents.
GEORGE: Really? (Jerry shakes his head) Maybe this will become like a cool thing, living with your parents.
JERRY: (sarcastically)Ya, then maybe baldness will catch on. This will all be turning your way.
GEORGE: Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?
JERRY: The baldies
GEORGE: Hey by the way my parents really want to have your parents over dinner before they leave town.
JERRY: That's good, then I get the apartment for at least one night. You know I'm paying for this whole Paris trip it's their anniversary present.
(Alec and Joey enter)
ALEC: (walking over to Jerry and George's table) Hey guys.
GEORGE: Hey Alec
JERRY: Hey Alec
ALEC: This is Joey.
GEORGE: Hey Joey, how you doin'?
ALEC: (Joey was about to talk) Hey listen, I was wondering if either one of you guys would be interested in doing some work for the Big Brother program? I'm kinda running the local chapter. What do you say George?
GEORGE: Well uh....
JOEY: (interrupts) Wouldn't you like to be a big brother to someone like me? Please?
GEORGE: Well, sure Joey, sure, I would be thrilled.
ALEC: That's great George, thanks a lot I'll get in touch with you.
JOEY: Wouldn't you like to be a big brother..
ALEC: (grabs Joey to stop him) Ya alright Joey that's enough, let's go (walking over to the counter) See ya.
JERRY: What happened?
GEORGE: What could I do? Did you see the mug on that kid?
JERRY: (acting like Joey) Wouldn't you like to pass the ketchup to someone like me? Please?
(Jerry and George walking down the sidewalk.)
JERRY: Hey did you notice they moved where they do the interview on Jeopardy now?
GEORGE: Ya it used to be right in the middle of single Jeopardy and now they do it right after single Jeopardy.
JERRY: Ya, it's much better isn't it?
GEORGE: Oh, n-no comparison.
JERRY: Hey, I gotta stop off at the bookstore to pick up my parents one of those French-English dictionaries.
GEORGE: (stops Jerry realizing something) Hey hey hey hey hey hey.
GEORGE: Your parents are going to Paris right?
GEORGE: So I tell Alec that I have to goto Paris for an undetermined amount of time. Then all I have to do is buy some post cards and have your parents mail them from Paris.
JERRY: What about little Joey?
JERRY: Ah, I think he's probably better off.
(Morty and Helen are sitting at Jerry's Table; Jerry and George are standing by them)
GEORGE: I'm trying to get out of this Big Brother program. So when you get to Paris (handing Morty the postcards) all you have to do is drop 'em in any mailbox.
MORTY: But there are no stamps on these.
GEORGE: Well no not yet, you gotta buy french stamps (pauses) I-I'll reimburse you of course.
HELEN: Why are you doing this?
JERRY: He wants this guy to think he's in Paris.
JERRY: Because George is a deeply disturbed individual.
KRAMER: Oh hey, Helen uh, Could I uh, use some more of your hand lotion?
HELEN: I told you it was good. (hands Kramer the lotion)
KRAMER: (putting on the lotion) Ya
HELEN: It's from the Sachs Fifth Avenue in Miami.
KRAMER: Mmm (smelling the lotion as he rubs it in) I'm gonna remember that if I'm ever in Florida.
JERRY: Ya, or if you're ever on Fifth Avenue here in New York City, you could get some there.
MORTY: Say those are some nice pants. I got a pair just like them at home.
KRAMER: Well uh that doesn't surprise me, ya i bought these at Rudy's. It's a used clothing store. See when people like you die, the widows they bring in their wardrobes, they make a bundle.
GEORGE: Really? My father has a ton of old clothes just sitting up in the attic, y-you think they're worth something?
KRAMER: Ya if they're vintage, and you're a widow.
GEORGE: What happens if the husband dies after the wife, who brings in the clothing in then?
KRAMER: Well I suppose the children do.
GEORGE: (pondering) Yes I suppose they do.
KRAMER: (takes another smell of his hands) Alright I gotta a ten o'clock, I'll see everybody later.
(Kramer goes to turn the door nob and falls straight to the floor slipping off the nob, then continues to try to open the door with no one really watching; He then uses his coat to get a grip and then smiles and exits)
GEORGE: (grabbing his jacket) Hey oo, I just remembered uh my parents really wanna have you guys over for dinner before you leave town. What about tonight?
(Morty and Helen look at each other)
GEORGE: Yea they're making Payaya.
HELEN: (looking at Morty) Uh oh I don't think we think we can make it tonight, (turns toward George) we have plans.
JERRY: (watching the whole conversation from his desk) What plans?
HELEN: (turns to Jerry) We have plans.
JERRY: Where'd you get plans?
HELEN: (annoyed) We have plans.
GEORGE: Well um, what about tomorrow night?
HELEN: (turns back toward George) Maybe
GEORGE: Ok uh, I guess I'll tell them that.
MORTY: (to George as he is about to leave) Hey give 'em our best though.
GEORGE: (quietly) Ya.
JERRY: (walking over toward George and the door) I'll call you later.
(George tries to open the door hand slips then he exits; Jerry makes sure the door is closed)
JERRY: So what plans do you have?
JERRY: So how come you're not going over there for dinner?
HELEN: Jerry we don't care much for the Costanzas'.
MORTY: We can't stand them.
JERRY: Really? Since when?
HELEN: Since always. We've never liked them.
HELEN: Well they're so loud, they're always fighting it's uncomfortable, you never notice?
JERRY: No I notice but they're from your age group I didn't know you could detect abnormal behavior among your own kind.
MORTY: Well we do.
(Buzzer; Jerry goes over to answer it)
(Elaine and Aaron are heard laughing on the Intercom)
ELAINE: It's us.
JERRY: U-oh come on up. (buzzes them up) It's Elaine you don't have a problem with her do you?
HELEN: We adore Elaine.
JERRY: She wants to say hi, she's with her new boyfriend.
HELEN: What's he like?
JERRY: He's nice, bit of a close talker.
HELEN: A what?
JERRY: You'll see. (pause) Boy, I had no idea you felt this way about the Costanzas'
HELEN: They're exhausting it's like being in an Asylum.
(Elaine and Aaron enter)
MORTY: Hello Elaine
(Morty and Helen give Elaine a hug)
ELAINE: This is Aaron.
HELEN: Hello Aaron
AARON: (getting up in Helen's face) So how long you folks in town?
HELEN: Oh, three more days, three more days then we're off to Paris.
MORTY: We're going with a select charter group.
AARON: I love France, (moving over to Morty's face) I was just there last year. In fact, you know I still have an envelope full of French Franks, I'll give 'em to ya.
HELEN: We can't take money.
AARON: Oh, no, it's a gift. (looking toward Elaine) from us.
ELAINE: Oh, that is soo nice (very elaborate nice) Aaron. Isn't he nice? (to Helen) So listen has Jerry been showin' you a good time?
JERRY: No I haven't.
AARON: You know (to Morty) I have a friend who works at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. How would you like a behind the scenes tour?
HELEN: (grabbing Aaron) Really, you could do that?
AARON: (up in Helen's face) Easily
HELEN: I wouldn't be any trouble?
AARON: (gets closer) Of course not.
HELEN: When would we go?
AARON: How about right now?
MORTY: I'm ready
HELEN: Are you sure?
HELEN: Ok, let me get my coat.
(Helen goes to get her coat)
AARON: (walking over to Elaine and getting into her face) Elaine what do you say?
ELAINE: W-well I don't think so Aaron, uh, I have plans.
AARON: Oh. (getting into Jerry's face) How about you Jerry?
JERRY: I'm swamped.
AARON: You sure? You could examine the art work up close.
JERRY: Maybe I'll try and catch up with you.
ELAINE: (under her breath) Ya that'll happen)
AARON: (Moving toward the door) Alright. We're off.
(Aaron, Helen and Morty heading out the door)
MORTY: Ok, bye.
HELEN & AARON: Bye.
JERRY: Ok buh bye. Have a good time.
AARON: See everybody later (Morty and Helen leave; Aaron closes the door blowing Elaine a kiss)
ELAINE: Why would he ask your parents to goto a museum?
JERRY: I don't know.
ELAINE: What is that?
JERRY: Maybe he was just trying to be nice.
ELAINE: Have you ever heard of anyone doing anything like this?
JERRY: Wait a second, he just did me a big favor.
(Jerry walks over to the couch sits down and picks up the phone)
JERRY: (dialing) He got em out of the house.
JERRY: Call Rachel.
JERRY: (on the phone) ah no, I got the machine. Rachel! Are you there?! I got the place to myself for a few hours! Rachel! Where are you? Rachel! (hangs up the phone very disappointed)
ELAINE: (putting on lipstick) Sorry pal, wish I could help you out.
(Elaine kisses at Jerry; Jerry looks at her in disgust)
FRANK: They're not coming?
GEORGE: No, they had plans.
ESTELLE: How could they have plans?
GEORGE: That's what I wanna know.
FRANK: Well what difference does it make? They wouldn't lie to us, they're are dear friends.
ESTELLE: What am I supposed to do with all this Payaya?
GEORGE: They said tomorrow, maybe.
ESTELLE: Maybe they don't like us.
FRANK: Why wouldn't they like us? (tastes the Payaya; disgusted) Again with the pepper? What do you gotta use all the pepper for?
ESTELLE: Ah keep quiet.
FRANK: What are you trying to set my mouth on fire?
GEORGE: I don't know what the reason could be.
(Morty, Helen and Aaron enter)
JERRY: (disappointed) Oh, Hi, hi.
AARON: Ah Jerry you would not believe the time we had.
HELEN: Aaron is quite the tour guide.
MORTY: Jerry have you ever seen any of those impressionist paintings?
JERRY: Oh sure like Monet.
MORTY: Don't you think he had to be uh near sighted? I mean nobody would paint like that if they could see. It's all out of focus.
JERRY: Well he's from the impressionist school, you know like Monet, Manet, Tippi Tippi Dayday.
MORTY: I say the guy was painting without his glasses.
JERRY: (answering phone) Hello? Rachel, ya uh no they're back.
HELEN: Jerry if you have something to do we could just sit right here and read.
JERRY: Uh haha ya well uh I'm sorry too I'll call you later, ok bye (hangs phone up)
AARON: Well I should be going.
HELEN: Oh thanks again.
AARON & HELEN: Buh bye.
AARON: Oh you must be Kramer (advances on Kramer to close to his face Kramer walks back into the fridge to avoid him and falls to the ground) I've heard about you.
KRAMER: You must be Aaron, I've heard about you.
AARON: (Laughing) Well see you later.
AARON: (leaving) Bye
KRAMER: So uh what are you guys doing for dinner?
HELEN: We have no plans.
MORTY: (noticing Kramer's coat) Look at that, Helen do you see what he's wearing? That's the Executive.
KRAMER: Now what is Executive?
JERRY: The belt-less trench coat. My father invented it.
MORTY: I sure did. Raincoats were my business. The Executive was a classic, these haven't been made in twenty years.
HELEN: Why would they? Nobody bought them then.
MORTY: He's wearing one.
KRAMER: Yea these are a hot item over at Rudy's.
MORTY: You don't say? You know I have boxes of those sitting in my garage in Florida?
KRAMER: Get 'em up here. You give me twenty-five percent I-I'll take care of everything.
MORTY: You gotta deal.
(Kramer and Morty shake hands)
JERRY: This is like the meeting of Smith and Wesson.
MORTY: I'll call Jack Klompus, he's got a key to the garage. He can send them overnight delivery.
HELEN: You're gonna first start shipping boxes? We're leaving for Paris in three days.
MORTY: He'll send them express.
HELEN: You're crazy.
MORTY: I'll tell you how crazy I am, I'm gonna pay for this whole trip with these coats.
JERRY: N-na I'm paying for the trip.
MORTY: So much the better.
(George and Alec are sitting at the booth closest to the door)
GEORGE: Anyway it's kind of a fluke thing but uh I'll be leaving for Paris in two days. I will send you a postcard when I get there.
ALEC: Paris huh?
GEORGE: Yea, ya..ya know I feel terrible about Joey but it's jus..it's a great business opportunity. I-I don't even know how long I'm gonna be away for.
ALEC: Where will you stay?
GEORGE: An apartment complex, the uh the Eiffel Towers. uumm Like I said uh you'll be getting a postcard uh in a few days and again I'm sorry.
ALEC: George, you have no idea how fantastic this is.
ALEC: Ya, we've been trying to reunite Joey with his father who lives in Paris. But he's afraid to fly alone, you know he's kinda withdrawn, but he seems to take to you. (George smiling in surprise) So it's a perfect solution.
GEORGE: How gee what a coincidence.
ALEC: And you'll send me a postcard.
(Elaine and Aaron lying in bed)
AARON: Helen really seemed to respond to Renoir. I think she really connected to the way he painted children.
ELAINE: Mm hmm.
AARON: And that Morty, I'll tell ya that guy is full of life. (laughs) He was convinced Monet was near sighted. I kept telling him
ELAINE: Uh, let me ask you a question. How come you asked Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld to goto the museum with you?
AARON: Well, they were in from out of town, I thought they would enjoy it.
ELAINE: Uhuh, um you didn't feel uncomfortable spending the whole day at the museum with two complete strangers who were more than twice your age?
AARON: No, it was fun.
ELAINE: You had fun with Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld.
AARON: Yea, they bought me a coke.
(Morty and Jerry are sitting at his table; Kramer is standing next to Morty; Helen is getting the fold out sofa ready to sleep)
KRAMER: So how'd you come up with the idea for the belt-less trench coat?
MORTY: I came home one night, and I tripped over one of Jerry's toys. (Jerry smiling points to himself and nods with cards in his hands) So I took out my belt just to threaten him, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
KRAMER: How serendipitous.
MORTY: So that night I cut off the loops and the Executive was born.
JERRY: He also came up with an idea for a brimless rain-hat but that never materialized. (to Morty) Alright come on let's play.
KRAMER: Did you call Jack Klompus yet?
MORTY: I haven't been able to reach him. Hey I'll call him right now.
JERRY: Ah come on.
MORTY: Just a second. (Goes to grab the phone)
HELEN: Jerry have you seen Schindler's List?
JERRY: No I haven't seen it yet.
HELEN: Oh you have to go you have to
JERRY: I'm going
HELEN: You have to
MORTY: (on the phone) Hello Jack.
(Jack in Florida)
MORTY: It's Morty
JACK: Who died?
MORTY: Nobody died. Jack I want you to do me a big favor. (Jerry holding up some cards looking at his father) In my garage there are a couple of boxes.
JACK: What boxes?
MORTY: I'm gonna explain what boxes.
JACK: Alright how the hell do I know?
MORTY: Anyway there are these three big boxes, you can't miss them. I want you to ship them here to New York for me.
JACK: I thought you're going to Paris
MORTY: I'm still going to Paris. I got a big deal cooking here.
JACK: What's in the boxes?
JACK: Raincoats? (Doris sighs) You think you're gonna sell those old crappy raincoats? That's garbage.
HELEN: I guarantee you Doris is not letting him mail those boxes.
JACK: When do you want these?
MORTY: Send them tomorrow.
(George, Estelle and Frank are sitting at the table for breakfast all still in what they slept in)
ESTELLE: You think they're coming tonight?
GEORGE: I dunno they said maybe.
FRANK: Of course they're coming, they're leaving soon. If they don't come tonight they might not see us.
ESTELLE: Well they better come, I got all this Payaya.
FRANK: I admire Morty and Helen going to France. We should take a trip, maybe a cruise.
GEORGE: Yes a cruise, a long cruise, just the two of you.
ESTELLE: Georgie what were you doing poking around the attic last night?
GEORGE: I-I wasn't in the attic.
ESTELLE: I heard noise.
GEORGE: Maybe it was a mouse.
FRANK: (jumping to his feet) OK that's it! We're moving!
FRANK: I will not tolerate infestation.
GEORGE: You haven't even seen one.
FRANK: Don't you understand the very thought, the very idea, I'll never be comfortable again.
ESTELLE: Alright Frank that's enough.
(Frank sits back down)
[Rudy's Antique Boutique]
(Rudy is checking out the clothes)
GEORGE: I guess I've been hanging on to them for so long cuz i couldn't accept the fact that Dad was really gone forever (hugs a piece of clothing)
RUDY: Uh huh.
GEORGE: They will get a good home won't they?
RUDY: Look I gotta be honest with you there's nothing here too spectacular.
GEORGE: Oh I beg to differ. My father took great pride in his appearance, he was a very handsome man, a casanova really.
RUDY: I'll give you uh two-hundred dollars for the three boxes.
GEORGE: Could you make it two-twenty-five that was his hi-game in bowling.
RUDY: Yea I'm in a good mood here.
GEORGE: Thank you.
KRAMER: Hey, George what are you doing here?
GEORGE: Uh, I'm just selling some of Dad's things, (looking into Kramer's eyes) that's what he would have wanted.
KRAMER: Oh, I gotcha (clicks)
GEORGE: (leaving) That'll do.
KRAMER: Oh hey guess what. Morty Seinfeld and I are going into business together, selling raincoats.
GEORGE: Hey that's swell.
KRAMER: Yea we worked it out all over dinner last night.
GEORGE: Dinner? (grabs Kramer)
GEORGE: You had dinner with the Seinfelds'?
KRAMER: Yea, last night.
GEORGE: Was this something you had planned for a while?
KRAMER: No it was a spur of the moment. Well you know Morty likes to fly by the seat of his vintage pants.
GEORGE: (hurriedly leaves Rudy's) They had plans, They had plans!
KRAMER: Oooo, boy I've never seen these before (looking at the clothes George just sold Rudy)
RUDY: Well they just came in, part of my spring-time cruise collection. Two for twenty-five dollars.
KRAMER: Oh I'll take these.
KRAMER: Hey, remember this raincoat that you sold me?
RUDY: Sure that's the Executive.
KRAMER: Ya, you have any others?
RUDY: I wish, they don't make 'em anymore.
KRAMER: Suppose I told you I had fifty in mint condition, would you be interested?
RUDY: Very interested
KRAMER: Cuz they're coming in from Florida as we speak.
RUDY: Well bring 'em in.
KRAMER: So you'll buy them?
RUDY: I don't see what would possibly stop me.
(Out of one of the boxes George sold Rudy flies a couple of moths as the scene ends)
GEORGE: Aaaa (looking around for Jerry) aaaa (finds Jerry) Ah ha. They had plans huh? They were busy. They were busy with their (doing a little dance to make the plans seem all that important) big plans!
JERRY: What are you talking about?
GEORGE: Mom and Pop Seinfeld
JERRY: Look I don't know.
GEORGE: Alright I happen to know what they did last night, they had dinner with Kramer.
JERRY: Oh they were tired it was a last minute thing.
GEORGE: So what's the deal they don't want to have dinner with my parents?
JERRY: That's right.
GEORGE: Is there something wrong with my parents?
GEORGE: Because my parents happen to be two pretty wonderful people.
JERRY: These the people you currently live with?
JERRY: Uh huh
GEORGE: So are they coming tonight or not?
JERRY: Look I really don't know what they're plans are.
GEORGE: Ok, fine. It's going to be very interesting, very interesting if they don't show up tonight. You know my mother made all this Payaya.
JERRY: What is that anyway?
GEORGE: It's a spanish dish. It's a moulage of fish, an meat with rice. Very tasty.
JERRY: I-I'll tell 'em
GEORGE: Hey could you do one other thing for me?
JERRY: Name it.
GEORGE: You think your parents would have any objections to taking a little kid to Paris with them? (Jerry looks at him confused) It turns out that the kid's father lives in Paris. (chuckling) Is that a coincidence? (Jerry smilies) Eh you know Alec wants me to take him over there so I figure as long as they're going (claps)
JERRY: So you thought as long as they're mailing postcards, it wouldn't be too much to ask my parents to drag a child who they've never seen, through the streets of Paris?
GEORGE: (pause) Alright if you think it's too much they don't have to mail the postcards.
(Elaine at her desk; Joanna standing near the door)
JOANNE: So where's he taking you?
ELAINE: Well first we're going to a matin�e, I'm taking the afternoon off, we're gonna go see "My Fair Lady" and they we are gonna goto dinner. He knows all these fantastic places.
JOANNE: You are one lucky girl. (Elaine laughs in happiness) Wish I could find a nice guy. (Joanne goes to leave; Aaron enters) Hi Aaron.
AARON: (getting up in Aaron's face) Hey Joanne. (turns to Elaine and goes over to her) Hey
ELAINE: (already out from behind her desk goes to Aaron) Hi
(Elaine and Aaron kiss)
HELEN: Hello, Hello.
MORTY: Hello Elaine
(Morty gives Elaine a kiss; Elaine is in shock)
AARON: I was able to finagle two more tickets to "My Fair Lady" and I thought why not ask Morty and Helen.
ELAINE: Oh, Great.
MORTY: (looking around) This is some office. What's the square footage?
HELEN: You don't mind to you Elaine?
ELAINE: Mind? Oh o-of course not.
AARON: We can make a whole day of it.
MORTY: This is some building, Harry Fleming used to have an office here. There was a deli on the first floor. You don't get corned beef like that anymore. What happened to that deli?
ELAINE: (somewhat annoyed) I really don't know Mr. Seinfeld
[Collection of Scenes with the music and singing from "My Fair Lady" over them. First the matin�e where we see (from left to right) Helen, Morty, Elaine and Aaron. Morty opens a candy bar takes a bite then offers it to Elaine then Aaron who takes it as the scene changes to the Cafe 123. At the restaurant we see (from left to right) Morty, Elaine, Helen and Aaron. Morty is pointing at a painting while talking to Elaine then takes off his glasses. Next George is seen getting ready to hop into a cab when Morty, Elaine, Aaron and Helen ride by in a horse drawn carriage (Handsome Cab) drinking champaign. George then smacks the top of the cab in disgust]
(song from "My Fair Lady") "I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings, and done a thousand things, I've never done before. I never know what made it so exciting, but all at once my heart would fly"
(Jerry and Rachel making out on Jerry's couch)
JERRY: (stopping them) We better not. (they make out some more; then stop) T-They're gonna be here any second.
RACHEL: When are they leaving?
JERRY: In two days.
RACHEL: It's been soo long.
JERRY: I know.
RACHEL: Ok, it's only two more days.
(They both run their hands through their hair)
JERRY: Right, Thursday three o'clock.
MORTY: (from outside the door; singing) I could have danced all night (entering with Helen) I could have danced all night and still have
JERRY: Oh Hi.
HELEN: We didn't know you had company.
JERRY: (tucking in his shirt) Oh ya this is Rachel.
HELEN & MORTY: Hello Rachel.
HELEN: Uh we'll come back another time.
JERRY: What other time?
JERRY: Where you goin'?
MORTY: Uh we'll drive around for a while.
JERRY: You don't have a car.
MORTY: We'll take a bus.
JERRY: Come on stop.
HELEN: No we don't mind
MORTY: I'll get a book.
RACHEL: No no it's ok, I was just leaving anyway.
HELEN: O-oh are you sure?
HELEN: Cuz we don't wann..
JERRY: (interrupting) No no it's ok. (walking Rachel out) So we'll go see Schindler's List later right?
RACHEL: (going out the door) It's night meeting you.
HELEN: Nice meeting you.
JERRY: Ok, see you later.
MORTY: Boy that was some show.
JERRY: What show?
MORTY: "My Fair Lady"
JERRY: When did you get tickets to see that?
HELEN: Aaron surprised us, and Elaine came.
JERRY: Oh (laughing) Elaine really? Well that sounds interesting.
MORTY: We saw Regis Fildmen get out of a limousine.
HELEN: He looks better on TV.
JERRY: (answering phone) Hello?
(Jack Klompus in Florida)
JACK: Hello Jerry,
JACK: It's Jack Klompus.
JERRY: Oh hi Jack.
JACK: So when are you coming down to Florida again?
JERRY: As soon as is humanly possible.
JACK: You know I still got that pen, the one that writes upside down.
JERRY: Yea yea ya I shoulda kept it.
JACK: So uh where's your father?
JERRY: Ya he's right here.
(Jerry hands Morty the phone)
JACK: Morty, listen I can't get into the garage.
MORTY: What do you mean?
JACK: There is something wrong with the key. The key doesn't work
MORTY: You gotta jiggle it a little bit. I jiggled it. I jiggled it for fifteen minutes.
(Doris enters the scene with Jack)
DORIS: Tell him to come down here and get his own packages. You have nothing better to do then worry about his boxes.
MORTY: You gotta pull on the nob as you turn it.
JACK: Get the hell outta here with your nob.
DORIS: What does he want from you?
MORTY: My idiot son could open that garage door.
JERRY: What did I do?
MORTY: Just do it first thing tomorrow. I need it.
(Jack is seen hanging up his phone)
MORTY: They'll be here first thing Thursday morning.
HELEN: Thursday morning? You know we're leaving at three o'clock.
JERRY: (in a hurry) Yea you're leaving at three o'clock.
HELEN: How are you gonna get all this done in time?
MORTY: Don't worry about it.
JERRY: (in a hurry) Ya how you gonna get all this done in time?
(George, Estelle and Frank all standing in the kitchen)
GEORGE: They were drinking champaign in a buggy!
FRANK: First Kramer, then Elaine?
FRANK: It's a slap in the face.
ESTELLE: (with her arms out in wonder) What did we ever do to them? (George puts his arms out and imitates Estelle as she moves her arms up and down as she speaks) I want to know what we did them!
FRANK: What are they too good for us? A raincoat salesman, I could buy and sell 'em like that.
(Frank leaves the kitchen and moves into the living room)
ESTELLE: The hell with them.
GEORGE: (in the threshold between the living room and the kitchen) The thing that bothers me the most, is the lying.
(George and Estelle move their way into the living room)
FRANK: Let's forget about it. We're going on a beautiful vacation. (sits down in his chair)
GEORGE: (sitting down) Vacation?
FRANK: You're mother and I are planning on taking a cruise.
(Estelle is already sitting next to George on the couch)
GEORGE: (claps all happy) AH! (half hugs Estelle)
FRANK: But I can't find any vacation clothes. They were in the attic.
GEORGE: The attic? Y-you haven't wore any of those clothes for years.
FRANK: How can I go on a cruise with out my cabana wear? I love those, those clothes. (Looks down yells) AH! (jumps out of his chair) A mouse! I saw a mouse! (takes off into another room with glass doors on it and shuts the door)
GEORGE: (picking up what Frank saw as a mouse) It's the remote.
FRANK: (looking from the room; you can see him through the glass) Where the hell are my clothes? I love those clothes.
[Ally outside Rudy's]
(Rudy has a gasoline bottle and is burning some clothes)
RUDY: Lousy moth ridden crap.
END of PART ONE